Notebook of a Lonely Wanderer

2012

2012-01-01T00:49:00.000+05:30

बहुशाखा ह्यनंताश्च बुध्यॊ'व्यवसायिनाम्||
ബഹുശാഖാ ഹ്യനന്താശ്ച ബുദ്ധയോ'വ്യവസായിനാം.
Bahushaakhaa hyananthaascha buddhayoavyavasaayinaam.

The thoughts of the irresolute (undetermined) are many-branched and endless.

--Stanza 41, Chapter 2, Bagavat Gita

These days I am seeing a lot of opinions on all the things in the world by the self proclaimed experts. Everyone seems to be an expert in everything. By hearing and listening to them, I am growing incessantly confused.

Creating confusion seems to be the virtue of the time. Making everyone irresolute and undetermined is the nature of the time. Only a confused mass can be distracted from serious problems humans are facing in the world. Only such a mass is politically inactive and economically submissive. Only such mass can be controlled by the powerful. Only such mass can be misguided for fulfilling the narrow and vested interests of the ruling class.

I would like to remember and remind myself:

Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity;
whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity.
For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom:
the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water.

--Friedrich Nietzsche

This fear of going into the water can be seen everywhere in the present day writings, even in Internet blogs -- more so in their replying comments ! My opinion may sound harsh and cynic. But that does not refute my opinion. My contempt for the online writings is becoming stronger and stronger. I don't want to say any more about it, against it. For, I believe that opposing something strengthens the opposed, at least psychologically. Opposing violence procreates violence in the minds of those who are opposing. Therefore, I would like to focus on the opposite. (Did Nietzsche say there are no opposites?) The opposites:

truth, inquiry, peace, values, ...

I welcome the new year, though I know that it is stupid to believe in new years.

My Life?

2011-12-30T13:30:00.000+05:30

It is my another December in IIT Madras. As always, it is very cold. Since yesterday it has been raining heavily. They say a cyclone is approaching the eastern cost of India. Nature seems to be very violent. Looking at the heavy rain, I don't even feel like going for lunch this afternoon. The very idea of entering into rain and getting wet horrifies me. The days when I used to wait for rain just to get wet seem never existed. What an ironical fact! We don't believe in our own past. Do we believe in our present or, more importantly, future? Nihilism is an ideology of frustration. But my nihilism had long ago reached an extend where it started feeling frustrated of itself. Yet coming back to the question of believing in the past, present and future, I am tempted to be nihilistic in the sense that I see nothing to believe in. We have lost all the lofty ideals to believe in. The industrial revolution and, later, the information revolution have taken all the ideals away from us. Look at the present. Too much of exposure. Too much of visibility. Too much of information. What is the result? We are unable to distinguish between the important and the trivial. I, being a Signal Processing engineer, am tempted to say that we are unable to distinguish signal from noise.

These days, everything seems to be achievable. Happiness has become a product that anyone can buy from the market. Yet no one achieves anything and nobody seems to be happy. Happiness is portrayed as an individual affair. Probably that is why the fight to assert oneself superior to others is becoming more and more prominent. In this way, one vigorously attaches happiness with ones ego, the self-image. The way Palakkal felt happy while walking in a garden on a delightful morning or just by looking at the sky seems to be remote to the contemporary individual. Perhaps, the need "to produce", not "to be creative" but "to produce", prevents us from enjoying such ancient happiness. Consider any walk of life. The urge is "to perform ones duties"; it is not "to be creative" or "approach life with reason and logic". Perform your duties mindlessly. Don't look at the world with a broader perspective like a human being. Be an individual and live in your narrow hell but performing your duties. To succeed in your work is to strive for your happiness. The world may go into chaos, but you will be revered for your uncompromising dedication to your work. And having performed your duties, just relax yourself with amusements. What a great ideal that the present day individuals hold onto! No one realises the emptiness of it. Perhaps everyone realises it, but still not able to admit! I say so because, many a time, I feel that people are just actors. They just play their roles thinking that they are merely acting in a drama. Yet their "acting" becomes their "action" which ultimately defines their lives. Are we trying to fool ourselves? Or, are we merely powerless to break free from this drama? And how are we acting in this drama? By unconsciously yielding to the urges I described above!

I am on the verge of asking a bizarre question. Is my life not my life?

Sandeep

Dec 29, 2011.

Facing Uncertainties

2011-12-29T12:52:00.001+05:30

That was stupid -- my last post in this blog. Not the content, but the way I wrote it! Later, even I could not follow my last post. Especially, the first paragraph is too difficult to follow. Looking back, I remember the urge I experienced to make that post difficult to read. I had the feeling, still I possess this feeling, that online writings like blogs are useless. They are worthless. They serve no particular purpose. Some argue that internet gives us the real democratic experience and help us show the power of the powerless and the downtrodden. But, unfortunately, I am increasingly feeling that this is untrue. Internet publishing helps us share our feeling. But whether it will serve humanity to direct itself towards some goal, political or economic or anything like that, is doubtful. The flow of information makes us more confused and unfocused. The previous blog manifested this feeling I was experiencing those days. Those feelings are only strengthened now. But I continue writing despite knowing its futility. And I write for no reason and no end. This may sound pessimistic, but right now this is what I feel.

In the last post, my main point was how an issue (Mullapperiyar dam controversy) was about to divide the people of Kerala and Tamil Nadu. One month is gone after I wrote that post. Now, we see those peoples divided! Violence broke out between the peoples and, admittedly, was more intense on the Tamil Nadu side than on the other side. We saw how a small group of people exploited the opportunity for gaining narrow political ends. Moreover, the issue remains unsolved.

The Mullapperiyar dam issue is actually an engineering problem, which has but now become a social problem (I mean people's problem). It is taken to a state where engineers alone cannot solve it amicably. The question of whether the dam will collapse and, if yes, under what conditions, does not have any definite answer. Any answer will finally boil down to probability and reliability. The aim of science and engineering should be to reduce the probability of disaster as small as possible, thereby making the reliability of the construction as large as possible. How reliable is the dam is therefore can be answered only by engineers in statistical terms. The problem becomes social because people, the laymen, are unable to understand and accept the statistical promises. Such problems cannot be only resolved by engineers. The role of powerful statesmen with long term vision becomes important and apparent at this s juncture. It is doubtful whether we still have such leaders. This doubt arises by observing the way the issue is being approached by our leaders.

Related is the issue of Koodamkulam nuclear power plant. Is it safe? Is nuclear energy safe for humanity? Even scientists are divided on this issue. So are the politicians. The answer again boils down to be a statistical one. Again, the probability of failure of the measures taken by the scientists and engineers to make the power plant safe against natural calamities like earthquake, tsunamis and cyclones dictates the answer. If our calculation fails? This may be an emotional question. Perhaps, I am just being over cautious. But am I not over cautious about the very existence of the human race? Am I not justifiable on this ground in asking this question?

Perhaps, we have no answers. Perhaps, there is no way to arrive at a definite answer. Perhaps, uncertainty rules everywhere. But we must find some resolution to face such uncertainties, and our resolution must be based on facts and reason. That is all I have to say.

Regarding violence: a few perverts can cause a large violence, but restoration of peace would need efforts of large number of lofty minds.

Some say that if Kerala and Tamil Nadu were two countries, a war would have broken out by this time. This argument leads me to a more terrible thought: China is building a dam in Brahmaputra, which is supposed to finish by the year 2015. Will they divert water from Brahmaputra to China? What would be the outcome? Are we facing a war?

P.S.: I am not able to sleep calmly these days!

Sandeep

Dec 29, 2011.

The Number of Sand Grains in Calicut Beach, or Writing in Water

2011-11-30T06:30:00.000+05:30

So much of reading and so less of writing. This is bad. Even though reading gives me a lot of strength, it is writing that stabilizes the strength thus acquired. While reading makes me more confused, writing gives me clarity. From an information theoretic perspective, reading causes an increase in entropy, while writing helps me reduce the entropy by efficiently decoding, or, equivalently, understanding, or grasping, or putting in the right light, the information ("information" in the sense used in "information technology" not in "information theory"; instead, one could almost always, i.e., with negligibly small probability of being misunderstood, use the word "noise") that I have gathered through reading. (Remember, the more the entropy, the more is the disorder, or uncertainty, or confusion.) That is why I decided to write this post. It came as an inner urge, almost similar to the one human beings experience prior to defecation. The urge was to write a serious post after a long while. (In our most golden -- the price of gold is at the record peak in history-- times, a blog post is serious if it required little effort to write and would require onerous effort to read. My goal is, honestly, such a post.) However, I had to struggle to fix a topic. For me, topics are plenty, because the unwritten words (which are written in the mind) substantially exceed in trillions and trillions of bytes (1 byte = 8 bits, 1 bit = 1 binary digit, and binary digits are nothing and everything, or, in other words, none and one) compared to the written words. Then I fixed a contemporary topic, which I assign the reader to decipher from below, after reading the post entirely, and then doing some tantric deconstruction (to do this one has to be well versed in tantras and mantras and pujas and hypocrisy). If the reader does not want such unnecessary burdens or feels not qualified to do this, I urge not to read this post. I am a ruthless writer, and on top of that I am not going to call you "the respected reader" or "the most diligent reader" or any of that shit. I expect the reader to be as conceited and therefore as stupid -- and vice versa -- as I am.

Breaking from the conventions of the previous posts in this blog, I would like to dedicate this post to Jean Paul Sartre, who taught me how to "write", which I, being unscrupulous, have managed not to realize in practice.

The issue of Mullapperiyar dam is now raging at its peak between Kerala and Tamil Nadu. This may be attributed to the facts that (1) it is rainy season in Kerala and hence the dam is inundated with water, (2) there has been a few earth quakes in the past few months in the areas surrounding the dam, (3) a junk movie "Dam 999" has been released in India, which, despite having got the permission for screening from the censor board of India, has been banned in Tamil Nadu by its Government, reasoning that it would mislead and hurt the sentiments of the people, (4) and the Malayalam television media has taken up the issue with paramount importance. Although the panic created by the media among the people by making them believe that the dam will collapse today or tomorrow or even in the next nano-second may sound illogical enough to be fake, the threat posed by the weakness of the dam is truly of paramount importance. While the lease agreement for the dam between Kerala and Tamil Nadu is actually for nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine (999) years, it is clear that a dam will not stay that long. While constructing a new dam as an immediate precaution to save the people from its possible yet unpredictable collapse seems to be a solution, the bitter fact that the new dam will soon (in another hundred years?) turn out to be a similar threat to the same people, or precisely their future generation, is a paradox that has been pointed out by some thinking fanatics living in isolated islands.

You might have noticed that I have written the previous paragraph in the most insipid manner, keeping myself distant from the issue, and adopting a very neutral, diplomatic tone. You must understand that this is not because I am a Malayali who is living in Tamil Nadu, so that I have to satisfy both my Tamil friends and Malayali friends thereby saving myself from the otherwise imminent peril. Having dedicated this post to Sartre, will my super-ego ever spare me from the guilt generated by doing so? Though I conceal my fear in my heart, the fact is that I am more interested in something else.

Yes, more interestingly, though the slogan "water for Tamil Nadu, safety for Kerala" formulated by the Kerala Government sounds post-modern and liberal enough, and sounds to be in terms with the modern thoughts and moral sense, however contemptuous and worthless this sense may be, the Tamil Nadu Government's and political parties' adamant rejection of the plea for co-operation to construct a new dam by the Kerala Government gives us some glimpses to the nature of (modern) India. Particularly, the fact remains that India has not yet become an integral country, but stays divided by language, culture, caste, religion, location, and other identities. The Mullapperiyar issue exemplifies the failure of a group of people (or their leaders) to understand the need of another group of people living in the neighbourhood in the same country, only differing in language and culture. Here, being Tamil or Malayali is not the issue. The fact that I, the author of this post, am a Malayali is also not a very important issue (notwithstanding that I have mentally broken free from such an narrow identity). The true issue is that this kind of division exists not only between Tamils and Malayali, but between Tamils and Kannadigas, Kannadigas and Marathis, Kannadigas and Malayalis, Marathis and Hindi-speaking people, Biharis and Bengalis, Kashmiris and other Indians, and so on and so on. Such division can be seen even between people living in the same state, speaking the same language (e.g. South Kerala and North Kerala). A serious and active issue Similar to the Mullapperiyar is the demand for the division of Andra Pradhesh into two, which, again, reflects the mistrust and jealousy between peoples living in different geographical locations within a single state, speaking the same language notwithstanding some colloquial vernacular differences.

The solution to this most important problem India as an integral nation has been facing can be achieved, however, not by creating an all encompassing Indian identity, for no identity can be truly all encompassing, but, I believe, by educating the people in values concerning freedom and liberty, both social and individual, thereby helping them to mature to a mental state in which they can live peacefully with others. In a country, from where a painter, whether he is great or not, had to flee for using his freedom of expression in his painting; in a country, where a study on different versions of Ramayana told in different places and countries is removed from the academic syllabus for religious reasons; in a country, where a movie or book is banned whenever it is against some narrow ideology held by a group; in a country, err... I'm bored to continue giving these examples, believe me; by the way, what is the number of sand grains in Calicut beach?

All I mean to say is that in this country, such a solution will not succeed -- I say this with boundless optimism (ideologically, I must have used "pessimism", but, unfortunately, pessimism is not the ideology I have sided with). This country needs a gang-bang change, not the pseudo-moral revolution preached by Anna Hazare and people like him, but a truly violent revolution. Wait a minute, do not misunderstand me here. I used the term violent in the same sense used by Slavoj Zizek when he said almost like this: "Hitler was not violent enough; Gandhi was more violent than Hitler [in challenging the basic structure of the prevailing [British] system]" (emphases might have been added, I'm not sure).

Tail piece: Perhaps the Mullapperiyar issue also shows us how a majority of Indian people are deeply influenced and ideologically possessed by a minority of leaders, politicians and institutions.

S. Palakkal,
Nov 30, 2011,
Chennai.

Analyze this!

2011-11-18T16:36:00.001+05:30

Butter Rotti and luscious Chikken Tikka Masala at Zaitoon, the night cafe in the campus. Reading Age of Reason and Wavelet Tour of signal Processing interchangeably till 4'O clock in the morning. Read the novel for some time and change over to Wavelets for some time; come back to the novel -- my contemporary exercise! At 4 A.M., in the brahma-muhurtham, when all the Aarsha Bharathiya Indians would wake up, I went to sleep.

A man who is half-human and half-machine. He is fighting -- for justice or injustice was not very clear. His forefinger in the right arm is a gun with which he can kill anyone standing kilometers apart. He kills at least two people, both of whom are very important in the country, maybe a minister or an official or so. He executes these killings from distance using his gun in the arm. Who is the killer? Police starts investigation. This is not a Malayalam movie. The police officers are as good as the hero (or villain?). And there are more than one police officers. Probably three. They investigate thoroughly. They follow the leads very intelligently. The best police officer in Malayalam movies is belittled by their performance. But our hero is no full-human. He leaves no trace to himself in any crime scene. In fact, he meets the police officers. They don't even suspect him. The story goes on. Gun fights, shoot-outs, cars collide, everything is in fire. The country goes to hell. They can't catch a single man! There was an important meeting between the officials and politicians and police officers. The hero is present. All the police officers are present. They discuss and have no clue. The hero is about to leave for some "operation". One of the police officers starts talking something. He logically deduces a few things. The hero gets perplexed. In a very tense moment, with the formidable skills of Sherlock Holmes, the police officer concludes -- "so, the culprit should be none other than you", pointing his forefinger to the hero. Hero tries to escape. All the people surrounds him and tries to catch. The hero takes a prism and the prism projects the immediate future on the wall. In that projection, we can see police defeating the hero and beating him all over. The hero is cut into two pieces, but being half-machine is not dead yet. But it is clear that the hero fails in his mission! Being the future of the hero known, which in turn is not very prosperous, what is the point of resuming to tell this story?

Precisely at this moment, I woke up. It was 1:30 P.M. Hunger was torturing me from inside and outside. Yet, I spent some more time savouring the movie my inner-space kindly showed me during my sleep, thereby keeping me not bored throughout my sleep. What a beautiful unconscious mind I have! Freud will surely fail if he analyzes me.

Perhaps, Zizek will say: "Wait a minute! Here is an example of a man whose fantasy space has been completely robbed by the Hollywood! This is the paramount example of the influence of today's cinema on modern human lives. The sense of reality of this man has been completely taken over by his fantasy world. His unconscious mind, which should consist of his unfulfilled desires, now contains only fantasies, cinematic fantasies. This is why I said our desires are not spontaneous: one has to be taught to desire. And cinema teaches one to desire."

Today, I Lived My Life

2011-11-17T15:30:00.001+05:30

Till the age of thirty, a man is idealistic. He tries to discover the best idealistic way of living; or simply, he tries to find out the best way of living. By the age of thirty, he realizes the futility of his idealism and recognizes his failure. Thereafter, he lives a failed life holding himself in self-contempt. This is how a man fails to lead a normal life before and after thirty!

Out, Into the World

2011-11-13T11:40:00.001+05:30

After days of seclusion,
Today I saw the bright, sunny world.
It looked ephemeral, with no purpose.
But, why the hell is it so beautiful?

-Sandeep
Nov 13, 2011

The World Outside Me -- A Poem

2011-10-04T22:57:00.000+05:30

The world exists without me, outside me.
I have only an interpretation of the world.
My interpretation of the world:
My happiness! And my curse!

I am prey to my interpretations.
I can't stop them, nor can I be free of them.
I am defined by my interpretations.
And I depend on them.

My interpretations form my feelings.
They form my knowledge.
They guide my soul.
I have no life without them.

My interpretations are not independent of the world,
Though the world is independent and outside me.
The world will carry on without me,
Without caring for my interpretations.

Can I blame myself, or the world,
That I feel the world is too indifferent to me?
Perhaps this is the irony of life,
The worst of all human paradigms!

--Sandeep Palakkal
April 7, 2011.
On a train journey from Chennai to Calicut

Palakkal Saga: Meeting with Lonely Wanderer

2011-09-30T05:17:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, I was sitting in the lab, looking at the computer monitor, feeling all my frustrations in life. Since it was evening, all my colleages had left, and I was alone. I thought of learning some modern useages in Malayalam. So, I opened youtube and started listening to Idea Star Singer videos, where a lady having a sack full of Ph.D.s taught what I described earlier. While I was taking some important notes from the videos, I heard someone opening the door. Immeidately I paused the video. Everyone thinks I am a devoted researcher. I did not want others know that I used to watch youtube in the lab. What do they know about the nobility of my intentions? That of earning more advanced knowledge in ones own mother tongue?

I looked at the door and found... who? Mr. Palakkal himself! He looked at me with anger and asked, "So, you are The Lonely Wanderer Sandeep Palakkal?"

I was frozen for a moment hearing the strength of that voice. Recovering from the shock, I admitted that I was that wreatched soul and what was sitting frozen there was my worldly body.

A short moment! Palakkal accosted me in rage, with lightning speed. I lost all my courage and self-esteem at that moment. I even pissed a little in my underwear.

"How dare you defame me by writing things about me in your pitiful blog, you dirty punk?," he asked grabbing my collars. "And, your writings? How preposterous, you big-mouth-and-tiny-brain?"

So, that was the reason of his visit: to question me, to stop me. Come on, Sandeep, don't be afraid. You have the freedom of speech in this country.

I said I was trying to convey some idea through my stories. It was just a story and I did not mean to defame him. I was so scared that I spoke too much which I cannot recollect now.

"If you wanted to convey some stupid idea, then why tell lies?" he asked angrily.

I boldly replied, "Art is a lie that make us realize truth [1]. And my art was literature."

Palakkal laughed out loudly. "You call your stupid writings literature? You call that Art?" he asked me with a poking look in his eyes. I saw his despise for me in his eyes. I felt insulted but was scared to respond.

"I warn you. Stop writing blogs by today and withdraw all your writings. Otherwise, I will hold you by your feet and kill you by hitting your head on this wall."

Intimidation! That too, towards a world famous blogger, a leftist, an atheist, and above all a signal processing engineer! This cannot be tolerated. He does not know that I am a Captain of the Devils in the International Legion of Signal Processing Devils! My friends, I conjured up all my energy and said, "NO. IMPOSSIBLE. YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN." (I put these words in capital to let my readers know how loudly I uttered them and how much force I exerted myself.)

The Palakkal looked at me, straight into my eyes. I sensed a glimpse of shining in his eyes. He released my collar and began to walk away, saying "so be it".

Why did he release me? Why did he not kill me? I was wondering. I felt neglected. Perhaps, Palakkal thought I was so weak to handle and so insignificant to waste his time upon. Once again, I felt insulted very deeply. I felt a wound on my heart and blood coming out of it. I quickly crossed Mr. Palakkal and stood in his way, challenging him. "Why the hell don't you do anything? Daren't you kill me? You filthy Palakkal. Do you know, only I can make you a hero. You should be happy for that."

I saw rage in Palakkal's eyes. They became blood red. I knew he was going to attack me. He who attack first is the winner [2]. So, I gave him a punch on his face. He came forward, pulled my head and kept it under his left shoulder. Then I felt his left knee on my solar plexus, hiting me just once but with tremendous force. When he released my head, I fell down like a tree on the floor. I was unconscious. Yet I could hear Palakkal's footsteps, leaving me alone in the room. I heard him feebly,

"Poor fella! He did not know who he was fucking with" [3].

[1] Pablo Picasso.
[2] Anonymous
[3] Riddick, Pitch Black

Not a poet -- A Poem

2011-09-29T23:34:00.000+05:30

To be a poet

Is to be a dreamer.

To be a dreamer

Is to fail in life.

I became a dreamer.

And I failed in life.

But, alas!

I became no poet.

But I died, I died.

To be no poet

Is to die.

Yes, I died. I died.

Chennai,

Sep 29, 2011.

Palakkal Saga: Wrong

2011-09-28T15:43:00.000+05:30

Diarrhoea was cured by nature. Palakkal only drunk porridge made out of rice, by adding more salt than necessary in it. After four days on the bed, he not only felt cured. He felt he was replete with more fresher energy. He felt his inner potential increased by many folds. That is Palakkal's greatest joy on earth: to feel the inner strength.

That evening, Palakkal decided to go out, to feel the sun, though an evening sun with less vigour. The darkness of the room had started to become nauseating. Again, he went to the garden. Gardens are his favourites. Sitting surrounded by trees gave him enough opportunities to feel his solitude. Solitude, not loneliness, for Palakkal was always lonely, even if he walked with an ocean of people. And the ocean always tried to expel him, because it felt that he did not belong there.

When Palakkal reached the garden, there a great saint was giving lecture to his disciples. Palakkal went and sat in a corner, farthest from the saint and the disciples to avoid contamination as much as possible. He lay on the grass with his face up. As he took breath, he felt his youthfulness and inner strength. This may be what they call the joy of existence! Palakkal grew sceptic if one could feel the same joy as one grows older and older. Do old people feel inner strength? Potential?

The sky was blue and clouds were bright white. He saw an eagle flying in great heights. It looked too small -- more like a point than an eagle. He felt his heart pounding with unknown joy; butterflies fluttering inside his belly; and tickling on his soles. That was a rarest of rarest, serenest of serenest, beautifullest of beautifullest moments. He was ready to die at that very moment. But death was still a distant friend, for he was full of vigour of youth.

When the dusk had already fallen, when the disciples had all left, the saint came near Palakkal, and assuming his full composure he said,

"Palakkal, your acts are wrong and cruel. Especially what you have done in the hospital! You are too terrible a human being, with too sick a mind. All your actions are wrong, wrong and wrong."

Palakkal rose from the ground. After giving a big yawn, he said,

"He who considers more deeply knows that, whatever his acts and judgements may be, he is always wrong [1]."

Then he started walking, leaving the saint alone.

Belittled by Palakkal's wisdom, the saint stood there ashamed. He wondered when he would become as wise as Palakkal! Then, maybe to soon become so, he decided to control his breath and meditate in the garden till midnight.

[1] F. Nietzsche, Human all too human.

Palakkal Saga: Diarrhoea

2011-09-27T16:43:00.000+05:30

Palakkal got diarrhoea. What? How is that possible? How can a person with immeasurable power get sick? No questions allowed in Palakkal Saga. For it consists of the stories of tyrannies. For tyranny does not like to be questioned.

It was early morning. Palakkal was waiting for the sun to emerge in the east so that he can rush to the doctor. Yes, he rushed. He ran to the doctor hitting everyone came across his way. Whether that morning had birds singing, he did not care! He rushed. For he had no time. From his house, where there were two toilets, he had to reach the hospital, where there will possibly be a toilet. On the way, he may not find a public toilet at all. 'I am in India,' he remembered.

As soon as he reached the hospital, first he finished off what was now imminent. After returning from the toilet, he went right to the reception and informed the nurse that he immediately wanted to meet the doctor.

The nurse gave him a disdainful look and said in an inattentive voice, "you have to wait till the receptionist come and enrol your name in the register".

"Sorry sister, I cannot wait. It is urgent."

"You should wait," nurse said rudely.

"I said I am in emergency, sister."

"So what? What should I do? Emergency? You're not dying, are you? Only if I can confirm that you are going to die soon, I will call it an emergency." She shouted at him.

So the nurse does not appreciate the situation. All she cares about is the rules of the institution. Palakkal got immensely angry. In his inner mind he thought, 'We Indians!'

The true self of Palakkal arose. His eyes became blood red. Straightaway, he strutted towards the doctor's room. When the nurse tried to stop him, he took her in one hand and pasted her spread-eagled on the ceiling. Stuck on the ceiling, she helplessly looked at Palakkal walking towards the doctor's room.

Palakkal reached the doctor's room, and with one kick he broke the door into seventy-eight and a half pieces. The doctor raised her eyes from a thick book she was studying and gave him a dead look. Palakkal was unsurprised by the doctor's stoicism. He knew where he was.

The doctor listened to him patiently. Asked some questions which Palakkal thought pointless but to which he gave clear answers like a school boy. Satisfied, the doctor scribbled the names of four tablets on a piece of tissue paper and gave it to Palakkal. The doctor knew nothing of Palakkal. (പാലക്കലാരാ മോന്‍?) He asked what was the first medicine for. She said it was just vitamin tablets. The second one? Some ointment to apply on his belly. Third one? For digestion. And the fourth one for fever, which he should take if he has. Palakkal got frustrated. He asked, "Where the hell is the medicine for diarrhoea, my condition?"

The doctor grew confused. She looked at what she had written. "Where the hell is the medicine?" She asked, perhaps to herself. The doctor scratched the back of her head. One shelf-full of degree certificates she had kept at her home seemed meaningless for her at that moment. She took a small piece of dandruff from her hair and ate it.

Suddenly, her eyes started to glow. She wrote one more line on the paper and gave it to Palakkal.

"Here it is," she said proudly.

"What is this fifth tablet for?" Palakkal asked.

"Take it. Everything will stop. You will not go to toilet for seven days!" She said showing her wisdom.

Palakkal got exasperated. He realized he had come there in vain. He grabbed her by feet and killed her at once by breaking her head on the table. Then he ran into the toilet to fulfil the ancient urge, which now was imminent.

Palakkal Saga: Conversion of a lady with single mind

2011-09-27T12:39:00.000+05:30

The garden was beautiful. Unlike India, it was full of trees and birds. Palakkal had come for a morning walk. The sun had only risen. Feeling the freshness of the morning breeze, he walked. On the stone chair, there sat a woman, still, shining with divine inspiration and energy, though she looked absorbed and weak.

"What makes you so happy this morning?" Palakkal asked.

Waking from her dream, she replied with pleasure, "All my life, I am devoted to my selfless work. My only pleasure is to do my work. My work is my devotion and its fruits are my happiness. Today, I am happy about how single-minded I am in pursuing my passion!."

Palakkal grabbed her by her hands and forced her to the woods. Pressing her to the ground, he raped her.

As he was leaving, he said, "Be known, you lady, that your devotion to your passion is not everything. It is only a narrow fetishism that you keep to justify your unworthy existence. Sexual pleasure I have just given you is one example that there are more things in heaven and earth [1] that humans can crave for. So open your eyes and walk your life with liveliness".

Raising from the ground, she replied in gratitude, "Thanks for enlightening me with your wisdom, master. I've never known the meaning of life as broadly as I know now!"

Smiling and blessing her, Palakkal walked away, to continue feeling the freshness of the morning.

[1] W. Shakespear, Hamlet.

Cultural implications of the Star Wars

2011-09-27T11:21:00.002+05:30

I watched Star Wars recently. A series of six nice movies! I loved watching them and enjoyed very well. The settings, technical perfection, direction, editing, background score and cinematography were all excellent. It was two weeks back that I heard of the discovery by NASA of a planet with two suns (Kepler-16b) 200 light years away from earth, in a remote galaxy in the news. The news paper also mentioned with enthusiasm the similarity of this planet to Tatooine, a planet with two suns in the Star Wars series. How beautiful would be the sun set in that planet! It was this thought that sparked my desire to watch Star Wars!

The sunset in Tatooine!

However, despite my fascinations about the movie, I have some immeidate, arguably cynic thoughts on these movies. Since the movies are very popular, I note them down below. Perhaps, these are some of the reasons behind the popularity of the movie?

1. Anakin Skywalker, his son Luke Skywalker and daughter Lea Skywalker are somehow the chosen ones. Their blood has some special qualities compared to "normal" humans, and they have strong presence of the [cosmic] forces in their body. Even without training, the Luke skywalker is able to excel in the so called Jedi fighting arts, which otherwise a normal human takes long time and effort to learn. The life of the father skywalker proves that if the chosen one becomes evil, he is the most evil! So there is a division: chosen ones with special abilities and normal ones. Isn't this pure racism? Even more, isn't the concept of chosen ones and the qualities of their blood quite similar to Hitler's Aryan supremacy? (Two years back I had gone for watching a classical dance of a girl in Chennai. In the introduction her teacher, who herself is a prominent dancer, in the presence of a well-known classical singer from south India claimed that, "classical arts are not for everyone, but one should have it in the genes!". She added that her student had it in her genes through her father and family. Hearing the teacher's praise for her student, everyone in the audience except I applauded with cheer. I felt NAUSEA, extreme nausea. But this is India. Unlike Hollywood, we are third world. I'm afraid my friends in Infosys will approach bounty killers to kill me if I call India third world.)

2. The settings in the Tatooine planet is very similar to Arabian towns, while in Coruscant, where the Jedi lives, the settings are similar to a Western country (United States?). (Interestingly, Tatooine was set in Tunisia, the North-African country encompassing Sahara desert.) Tatooine has no plants and trees but only deserts. The natural inhabitants of this planet are ruthless, cunning, fat and hedonistic. Anarchy is the rule and the slavery prevails. Doesn't this indicate the unconscious reflection of the Western perspective of the Arabian countries and Islam?

Town in Tatooine

3. Only two or three blacks are in the film's caste. Samuel Jackson is the only black in the film's leading characters. When they are called humans, why no black and no Asians? On the other hand, many non-human characters, who are inhabitants of various planets, speak English with Russian or Spanish or other accents (I'm not good at recognizing them all). Why this irony? What is the implication? Again racism?

Samuel Jackson as Jedi Mace Windu

4. Anakin Skywalker is "converted" from the side of the good to the side of the evil by the villain Sith, and becomes the famous Darth Vader. Finally, he is redeemed. Does this at least indirectly frown upon religious conversions?

5. Natalie Portman's character, Amidala, the Queen of the planet Naboo, always say "democracy should be protected", "people are suffering" and "people must be saved". In spite of this, the movie never portrays the so called people or their sufferings. Instead, the order of the world is restored by a minority of "heroes". Doesn't this imply the role of the entire human society is less important compared to the "heroes"?

Natalie Portman as Queen Amidala

6. Queen Amidala was a strong woman and used to fight in the battles herself despite being a Queen (A Queen who tries to protect democracy? Don't ask me this ironic question. In Malayalam, we have an old saying: "no questions possible in a story" -- maybe, the remnant of the old feudal times or so when no questions were allowed in the society. But we are in modern times, and we should ask questions even in the stories! Don't we?). This continued till her marriage only. After her marriage, she is just a house wife and is not involved in politics or any other serious acts. She lives as a shadow of her husband -- Ankin Skywalker. Doesn't this say that the role of a good woman in the society is to be a good house wife?

7. The Luke Skywalker is portrayed as "the last hope" of the society by Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda, two Jedis themselves. But all the Luke Skywalker cares about till the end is not the society or social order but his friends. How can such a selfish person be "the only hope" of a society? Doesn't this imply some kind of racism or something? I smell "something"; only I can't understand it. What is it?

8. When any battle is about to begin, the "heros" say things like "now the fun begins" etc. Sometimes, some characters almost indicate that the only solution is war and diplomacy can't solve the problem. Isn't this plain glorification of war?

9. How much does the succes of Star Wars reflect the ancient, barbarous human instincts and beliefs?

10. I personally felt the planet where the Jedis and the parliament are as the United States, Queen Amidala's planet as Britain, Tatooine as Arabia, etc. In truth, can we relate Star Wars to the story of our planet alone?

Jedi Yoda

Darth Vader

For unknown reasons, though, my favourite characters are Darth Vader and Jedi Yoda. Possibly this reflects my unconscious worship of a wise-hero and an anti-hero!

All images: courtesy to wikimedia.org.

Of the leader

2011-08-14T06:00:00.037+05:30

Of the Leader
A Poem by
Sandeep Palakkal

I never sang about him, never wrote about him,
Despite my intense desire to do so.

He was so exceptional that there was enough
To write about him, enough to sing.

But I never did so,
For he was a leader of the masses.

An angry, intolerant mass,
Which frightened my poor, little heart.

Alas! Thus my fear of the masses took away
An oportunity for a poem.

-Sandeep Palakkal
Chennai

Fukushima 2011

2011-08-14T00:32:00.003+05:30

Fukushima 2011

A poem by

Sandeep Palakkal

Man said:

We've discovered science, we've developed technology,

We've invented medicine. Oh mighty we! We're invincible!

We've ruled the world, and now, we're creating our own worlds!

A world full of amusements, where we're all happy.

As I was watching him with great admiration,

An earthquake occurred,

Which nearly destroyed the world that Man had created.

And a tsunamy stripped him off of almost all his achievements.

Fukushima

Heartbroken, he awaited only for the nuclear explosion,

And, worst of all, the complete meltdown.

He'd science, he had technology, and he had medicine.

He'd created a new world, but

He'd forgotten the best of all his treasures.

He'd forgotten to sing!

He'd lost his poetry!

-Sandeep Palakkal

Chennai

Siddharthan the Atheist

2011-08-13T00:36:00.005+05:30

Siddharthan the Atheist

A Story by

Sandeep Palakkal

A quiet evening. Siddharthan asked Reshma, who was getting ready to go somewhere, "Where are you going?"

"To the temple. Why, are you coming?", she replied with a question.

"As a matter of fact... no! I am an atheist", he said triumphantly, wearing a plain grin on his face.

"Lucky", she retorted immediately.

"Lucky?" he asked, trying hard not to betray his surprise on his face.

"Yes, God is lucky", she replied promptly and went out at once.

The Matrix and the Monte-Carlo Simulations

2011-08-12T16:40:00.010+05:30

Recently, I watched The Matrix trilogy, again, just for entertainment. The whole series of events, to be honest, was just funny. Taking the "red pill" to "wake up to reality"! OK, anything is fine in a movie. I wonder what those "awaken" human beings are going to do in the "real" world! What are they going to build? What difference it makes! At least, in the first part of the movie, there was one "bad" guy who felt the reality was too unbearable. I liked him. The supposed villains, that is, the machines, are truly not conquered, it seems, in the third part. Maybe, they intended it as a shift in the plot.

Neo and his "simulations"

So much has been discussed about it by now, as the final part of the movie was released eight years back. But there is something interesting in the movie that I would like to ponder upon: the scene where Neo enters "the door with the lights", seeking for the "source", and meets the "Architect" (apparently a computer program) of "the Matrix". The Architect is shown to be an old person god knows why. In that scene, Neo's face is shown in a large number of computer monitors. As the Architect talked to him, each of Neo's images responded in a different way. The actual Neo's response came after a pause. Those monitors were predicting Neo's response, possibly making use of its knowledge of Neo's personality, his behavioural patters and his past. That scene was the only interesting scene to me. Because, what I was seeing was actually a Monte-Carlo simulation of human behaviour!

In Monte-Carlo simulation, we study a random phenomenon by simulating it many times, independently, and recording the output of each simulations. If the number of these iterations is large, we can more or less expect that we have recorded most of the possible outcomes of the particular phenomenon. This gives a fair understanding of what phenomenon that we are dealing with. Monte-Carlo simulations are used in experiments pertaining to various fields such as signal processing, physics, biology, economics, business studies, and so on. To have a nice Monte-Carlo outlook, I suggest you to read Fooled by Randomness, by Nicolas Taleb.

Coming back to Neo's case, Neo is the random phenomenon and the Architect's statements to Neo are the excitations or inputs. Neo's responses are expected output, but, by simulation, the computers generated Neo's responses simultaneously and independently; and they were all quite different! Isn't it the same in our "real" world, outside the movie, too? As we face the everyday life, we respond in some manner. Many believe that a person's behaviour and the way he responds to his surroundings describe him completely. We say, "Oh, he is such a mean person" or "he is a lazy fool" or "she's a pompous girl" by studying people's behaviour. And yet, it is a random outcome! It could be different! Then can we rely on our own judgements of a person? Rather, how "accurate" are our "estimates" of the personality of a person from his behaviour? Maybe, we have to observe a person for a long time and study his behaviour in different circumstances to know him well. Also, we have to see how varying is his behaviour and "mood". What I mean is that a person responded angrily to a simple question today does not necessarily mean that he is short tempered. Maybe, he did not have a nice breakfast in the morning and so he was annoyed. We have to observe him patiently for a few days, on different occasions. It may turn out that he is actually very kind and soft-spoken! Well, statistics describes accuracy in terms of variance -- a measure of how varying the output of a random experiment can be. Do you see the connection? It is in order to study the variance that a Monte-Carlo simulation simulates an experiment many times -- to see all the outputs.

The Architect, perhaps being very old and having seen six older versions of the Matrix and Neo, very accurately predicts that Neo will respond emotionally rather than intellectually to the situation he was facing -- his lover, Trinity , was under attack, and he had to save her no matter what happens to the Matrix and other human beings! yes, his response was emotional. In that he represents the entire human race. The way humans respond to the every day life is more motivated by emotions than intellect (I'm reminded of reading Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence). I remember the sly expression the Architect bore on his face when he saw that his prediction turned out to be accurate. That was the best scene in the entire Matrix trilogy, to me!

The Undiscovered -- Or the Long Forgotten

2011-08-11T18:42:00.004+05:30

The Undiscovered -- Or the Long Forgotten

A Story by

Sandeep Palakkal

Once upon a time, or rather, some years back, there lived a young man in the middle of a big city in India. In those days, in the depth of his heart, he used to feel that he was one of those educated young men who were, perhaps, doomed to live in a rather congested, dirty Indian metro, far away from home and where some alien language was spoken in the everyday life. Of course, his bulk five figure salary helped him lead an easy life in a nice apartment, with all comforts which almost all of his nighbours could not even dream of! He lived in a fully furnished apartment, in the corner of a street, which otherwise was as good as a slum. Perhaps, he was bored of everything outside and, most of all, of his own life. I don’t know; I can’t judge him anymore.

For the past four years, he had been living there, and had developed some damn, monotonous routine. Routines are good, you know? They say, it helped people like Einstein to concentrate on their work; perhaps, they are correct. But his routine only made him more of a damn fool. There was nothing interesting to think of in life, other than the usual daily cool stuff. But only until a day something had happened in his life. Something apparently trifling, but which changed something in him. Which caused his mind to be active again.

Well, it was a hot morning, as usual in that part of the earth. And he was on his way to office, on one of his new bikes -- he owned three bikes and one car at the time, for that matter. And, as usual in every morning, he bumped into the same old coffee shop for breakfast. He had not made this shop his permanent place for breakfast because it had very good ambience, or because the people over there behaved well, or because he had just developed some kind of affection with the place and the people who worked there. It was simply because it was almost the only shop which provided some hygienic food, though they charged him more than necessary. After all, this was the case with every shop in a metro! As the usual confusion of what to eat -- dosa or idly or puri with masala -- started threatening the stability of his mind, he noticed a startling new face on the other side of the bill counter, where usually an old boorish fellow used to sit. Perhaps, he had been too much conditioned and adjusted to his life, his mind could not take this change quite immediately. He was confused while making his order, almost forgot to get his balance back, and was so embarrassed to talk to her, the owner of this new face. While he was eating, he knew something had changed in him. Only, he could not explain it in words -- he just could not explain.

His confusion stayed only for one day, and second day onwards, he started observing her, in fact, without his own knowledge. Somehow, she aroused a lot of enthusiasm in him. Enthusiasm -- maybe, the sign of a healthy mind. She was just twenty-two or twenty-three years old, yet not very attractive, and had nothing in common with those girls who were working with him in the office, who his friends and, as he would admit not without some doubt, he, found very sexy, and who, he and his friends thought, made their life in the office exotic. On the contrary, she was less attractive, or perhaps, completely unattractive; his friends might even say ugly? She used to wear some old fashioned churidar, a pair of black coloured earrings, a pair of plastic bangle of some dark color, one on her each arm, and a pair of thin slippers; she showed no taste of fashion whatsoever in her dressing or appearance, and if she still had some sense of fashion, it was from some ancient times and bland; and it seemed to him that she never bothered to say something or make a point about her personality through her appearance. Besides, she was so thin and fragile that she would evoke pity in anyone who looked at her.

Yet, since the beginning, he felt there was something in her, which lay beyond her outward appearance. Was it the liveliness she was able to render into her otherwise silly gestures? Was it those simple and naive expressions that she continuously bore in her face? Or, was it the calm composure she always possessed in all her movements? He could never tell. But I am convinced that for him it was a joy watching her, without her knowledge, sitting in a corner of the shop, with a hot cup of coffee on his table. Sitting like that he used to feel that he was a child again, life was again worth living, and happiness was nothing remote or nonexistent. What is the meaning of life, dear friend? Or, rather, what was life worth living for? If not for the simple happiness one feels for no reason! That simple happiness one feels when waking up to a warm, sunny morning, with songs of the birds in the background! The same happiness one feels after taking a short walk through some old country side! Happiness one feels when watching the sun falling slowly into the sea! Where had it gone? When had it disappeared from his life? Why had he not known? Perhaps, it was the same simple happiness that her presence had aroused in him. I could never tell till lately.

I had chanced to meet him on one of my long train journeys a few years ago, as he happened to be seated opposite to me. He looked like a very happy man, looking enthusiastically through the window, as though he could not miss any scene outside. At some point of time, somehow, we started talking, and it was then that he told me this story of his life. He told his story with such intense passion and poise that even I felt very elated. From his long conversation, I was convinced that what he felt towards that young girl was not the least stained by those carnal desire a man would feel towards a girl. Rather, he was just inspired by her presence. I remember asking myself the question: Can mere appearance of a simple girl cause so much of change in one person? I never believed him, but only until lately.

As years move forward, we forget even our own happy memories, and so had I long forgotten that chap and his story. But to my surprise, and for no apparent reason that I could think of, his story came back into my mind, not when I was awake, but during my sleep as a revealing dream. Perhaps, it was the early hours of the morning, and I was still sleeping under my blanket, when I started dreaming of an unknown land. I am sure that I had never been there before in my life. I saw myself walking on a deserted road, looking for something. Finally, I could find a lonely coffee shop, which, I felt, had long been waiting for me. I entered into it with some strange feelings, hoping to have a cup of coffee, and I saw at once a thin, dark skinned girl sitting across a table, wearing a green churidar. Somehow, it occurred to me that I must get the bill first from her, and walked straight towards her. I was aware that there was no one else in the shop, and I kept wondering what kind of a place it was. First, I asked her what time it was. She did not understand. She was confused, and rather, was scared -- I could read it in her face. Her face reflected her mind so transparently that it glowed with momentary confusion and doubt. I had never seen such a glowing face before in my life, and it was refreshingly new and beautiful. I woke up at this moment in my bed, and the last word was stuck deep in my mind. I deliriously repeated the word many times before I was fully awake and became conscious of myself

“Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful!”

Alas! The fellow I met in the train was wondering what had attracted him to that unattractive girl. But I know the answer. I know the answer. It was her beauty! Her beauty!

I do not know where that chap lives. I do not know his address. But if he reads this piece of work that I have written for him, let him know this.

It is beauty, my friend, which lies beyond attractiveness, which is the source of simple happiness in life. And while attractiveness is open for any fool to see, beauty has to be discovered!

Sandeep Palakkal,

Chennai,

Aug 11, 2011.

Advertisement -- Notebook of a Signal Processing Engineer

2011-07-26T20:37:00.001+05:30

Palakkal Times

My time is limited. I am already exhausted in life. I have a mountain of frustrations in my mind. Yet, I can't help writing more, again, "to feel the inexorable pleasure of writing". I have started another blog on signal processing, more on my professional front. I had started some time before, but only now I published something relevant. You can access my blog at http://sandeeppalakkal.wordpress.com/

Thanks for your support,
sandeep Palakkal

Advt.
26th July, 2011

On Buddha's Problem, from a Contemporary Perspective

2011-07-18T14:38:00.007+05:30

Once upon a time I was so fascinated by teachings of Buddha. I often say that I am a frustrated nihilist. I became a nihilist against my will, when I lost my belief in everything in life, all values propagated by the society, and every moral teachings. Yes, I have gone through a time like that. It was in those days I read so much, seeking a foundation of thoughts and values for me. Buddhism was the one of the most important teaching that grabbed my attention and admiration. Here, I would like to talk a little bit of Buddhism and ponder over it, for no particular reason. All the opinions expressed below are personal, and I claim no scholarly value for them. Before beginning, I would like to complete the story of my nihilism by saying that I could never be satisfied by any set of values or teachings. The more I read, the more I sought, the bigger a nihilist I became. Was it my fault? Incapacity to believe -- Is this my fault? Finally, I was bored of my own nihilism. I could no longer bear it. One day, I realized that my nihilism itself had started to become frustrating. Ever since, I considered myself "a frustrated nihilist". And ever since I became free of the need "to seek a foundation of values and thoughts for me". Probably, ever since, I started "to live", freely, without conceptions.

Now, coming back to Buddha's teachings, I would liketo look at the heart of the problem Buddha tried to analyze. There is a whole story and speculations surrounding Buddha. However, my objective is not to tell or re-tell those stories but actually to look at Buddha's problem and try to understand it from my time and perspective. Understanding Buddha's problem from his own time is an impossible task for me, and can possibly be done only by specialists in Buddhism and its history.

Probably, I have to begin by asking what is the objective or meaning of human life, though I consider it as the most absurd question in heaven and earth to ask (I have not seen hell; therefore, I leave the possibility of asking this question there). Distancing myself from all the available scriptures and previous knowledge, I begin by looking at a more functional level -- the level at which life actually unfolds. I would like to look at how everyone lives in the world. From an animal's perspective, life is all about eating and breeding. When it does not eat or breed, it either takes rest or just play around aimlessly with its fellow animals. These statements about animals may be incomplete, but I am comfortable in handling incompleteness. I rather continue to look at humans who differ from animals in their superior intelligence. In the case of humans, the first two points I said about animals are valid, with a slight modification in the second -- eating and mating (more often for pleasure than for breeding). Regarding the third aspect, the modern humans have almost forgotten to play around with their pals. Except the children, they are "settled" and spend most of their leisure time "resting" in front of television. Apart from these, their other leisure activities or entertainments in general are transitory and have no particular objective. So, let us try to learn from the modern humans what their objective is by looking at how they spend most of their time. Majority of the time is dedicated to "some" job, which they are not particularly interested in but do solely for earning money (a more decent way of putting it is "to make a living") and for the joy of upholding it as a status symbol (In a charming voice she introduced herself, "Well, I work as a ******".). Of course, I am mistaken if I oversimplify the objective of job or work in the modern human life as money-making and attaining an identity. More than that modern humans work so that they can secure the future, marry off their girls decently, meet urgent situations like sickness etc. (Does it again it boil down to money?) I think that we can safely say that the objective of modern life is to lead a safe, comfortable life without much troubles. Money is considered as the means by which these objectives can be achieved. Since humans have not evolved enough, they quite often forget this and pursue money-making as their sole objective. (When one tries to achieve this in little time, one tries to do things like "3G scam", and, if unlucky, ends up in the Tihar jail.) There are exceptions, though. There are people who are more lazy and do not even try to lead safe and comfortable life. They just booze and kill each other in the street. On the other extreme, there are people who work for more (they say) noble objectives like fame, service of the poor, building up own nation, etc. There are more selfish people who aspire to become a movie director, actor, television anchorman, painter, novelist, model, engineer, etc. There are other fools who aspire for academic excellence, like obtaining a Ph.D. from a well-known institute, or for achieving technical competence, like struggling to be an excellent engineer!

Having understood more or less the meaning and objective of modern life, I would like to look at the next aspect in this realm, which comes for sure but uninvited. Summarizing the above paragraph, the objective of life is mostly to "achieve" something. This "something" changes for person to person, country to country (maybe), and time to time. But a major difficulty is "to achieve something permanently". This seems to be (I say "seems to be" because I am still skeptic -- my weakness) impossible. To understand this impossibility, I must have to ask another stupid, age old question: "who am I?". However, because I cannot surpass my own skepticism, I am rather tempted to ask "what am I?". Again, without resorting to all the metaphysical stories written in the sacred text books, I would say, "I am my body, my thoughts, my feelings, my knowledge, my surroundings, my family, my education, my fantasies and so on". Put in one sentence, "I am a bunch of abstract and material elements, which are impermanent and, by and large, irreconcilable". The irreconcilability of the elements which constitute the "I" is an interesting topic for further discussion. But I am interested in the other "fact": the impermanence of every element that makes up "I"! This means that whatever I think, whatever I do, whatever I plan (no matter how diligently I plan), my life and my action and "I" are impermanent. However well I live, however devoted I am towards my life, however noble my pursuits are, I am not permanent... my power will slowly decay and, finally, one day, I have to die. I will be gone, my time will be gone, my work will be gone, my family will be gone, and my world will be gone. This impermanence causes an unsolvable uneasiness in every human being. Knowledge of this very fact makes one to be aware of the futility of everything one strongly attaches oneself to. This weakness of oneself causes eternal suffering -- "dukkha". Is there any solution? Is there any possibilities of salvation? How can I end my suffering? This is the heart of Buddha's teachings.

I admired Buddhism mostly because the way Buddha arrived at his problem, which he considered as the only problem on earth worth solving! While other ancient thoughts start with the solution (faith and salvation), Buddha starts with the problem! And for Buddha, every other metaphysical questions were only sub-problems or no-problems.

Paradox -- yet another one

2011-07-07T17:56:00.000+05:30

Yet another paradox in my life (popular among Ph.D. students, but jut repeating here):

In my research, I am searching for at least a single problem to solve;

In life I have only problems, which I don't know how to solve.

END

Beyond words

2011-06-16T09:39:00.003+05:30

'Perfume -- The Story of a Murderer' is a very good movie, though I would not say that it is an exceptional one. It is the story of a man who had a talent for sensing odour, and the extent of his talent goes beyond the usual human possibilities. For example, he knows the smell of iron, frogs, wood, water, and almost anything around his world. Besides, to sense the smell of something, he does not have to go near it; he can sense it from a distance. Even his sexual attraction towards a girl is manifested through his desire for her body odour, which she loses immediately after she dies. At some point of the movie, he realizes that his body does not have any smell of its own. For him, he is the only person in the world 'who' (or rather, 'what') does not possess a smell of his (its) own. Later, he falls into an obsessive struggle to extract the smells of beautiful women, and own those smells for himself. How? That is the story of this film.

In fact, I have no intention in talking about this movie itself. I am more interested in something else. The above character learns to speak lately in his childhood. Up to the age of ten or twelve, he is unable to convey anything through words. He senses the world through odour. And for him, anything around him is distinguished by its odour. When he finally learns to speak, he realizes that words were quite incapable of expressing the reality around him, what he has seen and felt. He could not find equivalent words for many things in the world as he knew it. It is this point I am interested in.

We all see things around us and feel many things inside our minds. And we identify almost all things within and outside us by words. Probably, man has been able to make his distinguishable mark on earth (or is he/she?) because of words. Thoughts originates as words (or do they?). Without words, no thoughts, no discoveries, no stories, no science, no news, no advertisements, and no "culture". But how do we learn words? Someone teaches us! We understand the world around us through the words someone has taught us! How strange! How mistaken we possibly could be about things around us! Shouldn't we learn words through nature? Why are we not taught like that? What if we are confused between things in the world because we identify them with wrong words? Do we have words for everything around us? At least for every feelings we have? What if we think that we are sad when we actually feel a mix of sadness and happiness? This happens to me many times! What are the words we use for our feelings? Anger, happiness, sadness, melancholy, jealousy, lust, serenity, and what else? Do we have feelings which do not have equivalent names? When I say I am angry, is there only one kind of anger? What if I can have many types of anger but I wrongly identify all of them as just "anger"? Have I really understood what anger is? (If you think I am writing some nonsense and I have gone nuts, you might as well be wondering "does he really understand what he is writing"?)

Buddha said "truth is beyond words" and what one needs is not indoctrination, which is merely knowledge of a few words, but a "transmission outside doctrine, with no dependence on words". Saramago has shown us what a person who can see sees in a world, where everyone is blind. Modern science says we have evolved in order to survive the hardships that we come across in the world. What if we have evolved in such a way that we cannot see what we must not understand? Put together, man is limited, imperfect, and blind in some sense.

Today, someone was wondering if he could realize an ideal lowpass filter (for non-techies, tuning of your radio in a perfect sense, without any extra interference). And by discussion, I could make him see why he could not! The trade-off between time and frequency characteristics, the uncertain principle and the practical non-realizability of infinity! But even then, we can cleanly listen to our radios, watch T.V. and talk to our friends over mobile phones! All these situations need filters. He said "Signal processing is great! Our technology is great!". I replied him "It is the opposite. We are imperfect. Even with imperfect technology, we can do many things that we are doing. We cannot sense any imperfection introduced by technology in radio music, T.V. shows, or mobile conversations. This is because, I repeat, we are limited and we need only limited technology". Will you agree with me? Without technology, we cannot see the infra-red radiation. When we see it by the help of technology, we feel that the technology is excellent. On the contrary, we cannot perceive the imperfection of the technology because whatever imperfections our technology suffers from are all due to the imperfection possessed by us!

Starting from a movie, I have gone to technology. I do not know what is happening to me. Probably, I have really gone insane! Nonetheless, I still dare to wonder what is beyond words?.

Becoming human!

2011-06-10T18:45:00.003+05:30

Finally, after a short gap, I watched an excellent movie two days back. I watched it on DVD, along with my wife, and throughout the movie, she kept wondering "how somebody could conceive such different ideas!". Of course, unlike me, she had never got an opportunity to go beyond the usual Hollywood/Bollywood/Malayalam/Tamil shit! But, now, gradually she is ....

The Movie

The movie that grabbed our whole attention for two hours is "The Terminal". It is directed by Steven Spielberg. And Tom Hanks plays the protagonist Viktor Navorski. Tom Hanks has been one of my favourite actors -- how can I ever forget his class performance in Cast Away, The Road to Perdition, Philadelphia and Forrest Gump!

Well! To summarize the movie, Viktor visits New York for some purpose (that's less important, I think) and he belongs to a fictitious East European country, called Krakozhia. By the time he reached the New York airport terminal, civil war erupts back in his country and the government is overthrown. The United States has not recognized the new government and has cancelled all visa given to the citizens belonging to Krakozhia. Consequently, Viktor cannot enter America. Thus he happens to be "a person with no country", and is simply "unacceptable" to America. He cannot fly back to his country until the war is over. He is forced to live in the airport terminal, his passport being confiscated by the authorities. He is left with no money, no place to stay, and no work. On top of it, he knows very little English!

What I have described is the beginning, probably spanning the first twenty minutes, of the movie. The rest of the movie is about his struggles to survive in the terminal. I interpret the story as the struggle of a lonely man, thrown into a completely strange and, above all, indifferent world. His only objective is his survival. He has no identity, no society, no affiliations and associations, and no friends. Have you ever thought what a man would do in such circumstances? Viktor never resorts to anything immoral, but keeps his dignity as a human being throughout. Naturally, the initial concern must be food, and in the modern society, this means money. He discovers several opportunities in the terminal to earn money (watch the movie -- I don't want to kill your pleasure of anticipations). Later, his efforts are to identify and get himself identified with his surroundings. That is to say, to learn the language, to communicate with others, to make relationships, and so on. He has to begin everything from the scratch, like a new-born child! He has to learn how to become a human being. Fortunately, Viktor is admirably creative in overcoming all the difficulties.

Surely, this movie is something I am not going to forget in my life. My wife enjoyed it very much though it was pretty different from her usual taste!

Pirates 4

2011-06-06T12:50:00.000+05:30

I watched the "Pirates of the Carribean 4" with a lot of enthusiasm. Well! Jonny Depp as Jack Sparrow ("there should be a captain somewhere in there" :)) was excellent, but the role of Angelica demanded very less from Penelope Cruz. However, the scenes in which both come together were very nice. The film had nothing special which could exploit the 3D vision! Except for a few scenes, the movie experience was merely 2D.

But we relished the coolness which the air-conditioners provided at INOX in this hot summer in Chennai :)

Beware of mangoes ripened by calcium carbide!

2011-05-08T11:39:00.002+05:30

The Creator -- A Poem

2011-04-05T10:31:00.003+05:30

The Creator
--------------------

Does God exist,
The one who created the world?
I don't know! But I know:
India won the world cup cricket.
All the prophecies of media came true.
And the media create the world!

--Sandeep Palakkal
April 5, 2011.
Chennai.

A Poem -- My Writings

2011-04-05T10:29:00.001+05:30

My Writings
--------------------

Thou thinketh:
I entered the family life
Hence banished from the normalcy of my life
And there would be no more of my writings.

But I say unto thee:
Normalcy had never existed in my life
And my writings yearn for infinity,
No matter the world does not exist!

--Sandeep Palakkal
April 5, 2011.
Chennai.

Eurocentrism, blah blah blah....

2010-10-26T19:54:00.003+05:30

Eurocentrism is a conscious or unconscious perspective that whatever coming from the Europe is right and true. This word had been prevalent in the last century, especially during the European colonialist era, and was used critically. So why I got interested in it, and what are the interesting things about it?

I got interested in this word because of some reasons. Recently, I heard one of my friends quoting from a speech he listened to: "...whatever coming from the West (from the Indian point of view, the West means the European and American) is regarded as science and whatever coming from the east (Asia or India) is considered as ___ (the person could not remember the word; it must be pseudoscience, metaphysics, religious, spiritual, or even nonsense)...". Whoever the speaker be, I felt this was incorrect. Science has a set of fundamental rules to accept something true. They include objectivity, repeatability, etc. For example, the basic laws of motions, discovered by Newton applies all over the world. The same must be true for anything that can be called science. And if somebody claims something is science, which is not repeatable or objectively verifiable, I will look at him with suspicion. For example, in the same talk, the speaker claimed that "it was scientifically proved that water has memory". I don't know the truth about this, but I feel suspicious! On the other hand, I have a question: do we accept everything coming from the West as true? For example, the movie Jurassic Park comes from the West (though from the United States). But do we consider it true? It's just a fantasy, according to all of us, isn't it? There are numerous science fiction coming from the West; do we consider them true?

Now a days, we have so much of exposure to what is going on around the world. I followed Prof. Richard Dawkins in Youtube. I found him talking to many religious people, taking part in debates and just talking science to us. One of these videos [1] I would like to mention here is the one where he talks with the Indian holistic healer Mr. Deepak Chopra about the relation between quantum mechanics and his so called quantum-healing process. But Mr. Chopra soon realizes that he can't argue with an eminent scientist like Prof. Hawkins, who is also a man of an extremely rational mind. Then Mr. Chopra says that he never claimed any relationship with the quantum mechanics, he used the word "quantum" only as a metaphor, and in fact, it was quantum mechanics that had hijacked the word "quantum". In a later video [2], Chopra says Dawkins point of view is "mechanistic, Newtonian, outmoded and obsolete". Here, I am confused! Who is outmoded? Dawkins or Chopra? But our point is different: is Dawkins Eurocentric just because he argues rationally, or just because he comes from the United Kingdom? I don't need to explain this point. You catch on Dawkins on Youtube and Google videos, and you will be able to judge.

A third reason why I was tempted to know more about Eurocentrism is the following. One of my friends sent me a speech titled as For America to Live, Europe Must Die [3] by the Native American activist Russell Means (according to him, he is not the Native American, which is a misnomer, but he is the real "Indian"!). He claims that all the European concepts like modern science, modern physics, modern philosophy, Marxism, capitalism, etc. have a hidden agenda of European cultural expansionism, and the proponents of the above fields were trying to expand Christanity in disguise: a version of the "secularized" Christianity. He views Karl Marx, Issac Newton, John Locke, Adam Smith, Decartes, and every other European intellectuals as travellers on the same boat: expand the European culture! Of course, expand against the Native American, Indian (my India:-)) or other cultures. He says, for example, that "European culture itself is responsible [for the sufferings of the Native Americans]. Marxism is just the latest continuation of this tradition, not a solution to it. To ally with Marxism is to ally with the very same forces that declare us an acceptable cost." I understand that this is a cultural argument. He says "After all, Europeans consider themselves godlike in their rationalism and science. God is the Supreme Being; all else must be inferior." This is a religious argument. So, I think this third point which prompted me to think about Eurocentrism is the matters concerned with identity, religion and culture. I have come across the same opposition against the "European thought" such as science, mathematics etc. among some people with Nationalist sentiments in my India, too. The Islamic problem of identity and religion, and their struggle against "the West" in the Middle-East also can be looked at from the same perspective. However, isn't it ridiculous to look at every thing European, including modern science, sharing a common ground and cling obstinately to culture and identity?

In my short search to find out what was Eurocentrism, I came across another interesting fact: Eurocentrist attitude towards Indian mathematics. Forget the nonsense of the Vedic Mathematics, which is a system "consisting of a few isolated tips, totally lacking in coherence and conceptual utility" [4] or "is only an assortment of tricks, based on simple algebraic principles" [5], and whose vedic credentials are disputed. We are talking about the "real" Indian mathematics. An overview of the Indian and Kerala mathematics of ancient times, and how the European historians had neglected and rejected to recognize the Indian contribution to mathematics, is given in Indian Mathematics: Readdressing the Balance [6] by Ian G. Pearce. This, I think, a very good and acceptable example of Eurocentrism.

I would like to end this post by discussing what the Slovenian leftist intellectual Prof. Slavoj Zizek [7] given to the online magazine Bad Subjects. He admits the existence of Eurocentrism and the Christian influence on it (even otherwise, there is no dispute on its existence or the Christian influence; but on what grounds can we attack it is the question). But he says that, as modern humans, we can't help accepting the concept of "universalism", which is clearly a European proposal, influenced by Christianity. Universalism is an attempt to show the world that there is something applicable to every human being, in any culture, religion and ideology. For example, the concept of human well-being or ethics, is universal. If you define separate ethics for Europeans, Indians, Native Indians, Christians, Hindus, Muslims and the Buddhists, then we end up in chaos (the modern world is in such a chaos now!); we'll not be able to define it! I remember Erich Fromm proposing the same idea of universalism in his book Man for Himself.

I think the only answer to the human problem is by accepting the axiom of universalism. More than belief, identity and culture, we have to accept universalism, when defining at least the concept of human well-being. Similarly, we must accept the European(?) notion of objectivity, at least in science, so that its pursuit is satisfied. However, when these concepts are applied to human society, I think we must be careful. There, humanity, not objectivity or materialistic view, is important. Differing from Russell Means I would say that Marxism is not materialistic. It is, on the contrary, to look at the humans as humans, not as workers, and to free them from the exploitations of the forced labour and the powerful class. Marxism dreams [8] of a world, where every human being is a poet! We can argue its Utopian edge, whether China or Soviet Union could materialize this vision, etc. sometime else.

At the same time, we must not eradicate the culture and identity of some race or ethnic group, and any attempt to do so will meet adverse and dangerous results. Moreover, concepts of universality is not only European or Christian; every other culture or religion contains it, in some way or the other. We must assimilate the good points from the individual cultures, after scrutiny, and dream of the rise of a modern, intellectual (more modern and intellectual than us) race of humanity.

References:

[1] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-FaXD_igv4

[2] http://www.youtube .com/watch?v=c-OtVS -icNc

[3] http://www.dickshovel.com/Banks.html

[4] S. G. Dani, "'Vedic Maths' : facts and myths", One India One People, Vol 4/6, January 2001, pp. 20-21, available online http://www.math.tifr.res.in/~dani/ .

[5] S. G. Dani, "Vedic Mathematics" : a dubious pursuit, published in Newsletter of the Ramanujan Mathematical Society, available online http://www.math.tifr.res.in/~dani/ .

[6] http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/history/Projects/Pearce/index.html

[7] http://bad.eserver.org/issues/2002/59/zizek.html

[8] Erich Fromm, Marx's Concept of Man, 1961.

Dare to be an atheist.

2010-10-26T13:06:00.002+05:30

Some Virtual Reality Experiences

2010-09-30T20:02:00.003+05:30

Have you ever experienced virtual reality? Not the artificial virtual reality we create using our technical skills but the real one. Of course, yes, if you have taken narcotics or got drunk enough. But without all these, I experienced one on last Sunday, on 26th October. I'll tell you friend, it was awesome! great!

For some reason --- of course, work related to my research, but I defer to tell you the details now --- I did not sleep for two days. Oh-oh, two nights, to be specific. In fact, I was lacking energy and enthusiasm to finish my job in hand in two days. So, I was about to give up, as usual. But thanks to my Kannada gang, they pulled me to a Malayalee restaurant to have dinner on Friday night. And we ate... we ate too much.... To quote the Malayalam novelist V.K.N., we ate to the brink of our palettes (പയ്യന് കഴിച്ചു... മൂക്കററം കഴിച്ചു.). I don't remember what I ate; maybe, I must ask Vidyadharan. It was a wonderful dinner, I had a nice time and my spirit went high. When we were back in IITM, it was twelve in the midnight and it started raining slightly. When my friends went to catch a good sleep of a night, I was tempted to go to work. And I did. Rest is an unforgettable history in my life. I don't remember anything thereafter. I worked like a dog. However, I insisted myself to take food at right time and I took a lot so that an empty stomach would not disturb me in my work. I continued my work, diligently, awake, for two days --- that is, till Sunday early morning. It was then I started seeing the virtual reality. I was doing something in the computer --- at least, I felt so --- but was unaware what it was. Perhaps, my brain had switched itself off automatically. I don't know. I had to stay in my lab till the sun rises, and as soon as I saw light outside, I started to the hostel, to have break fast and sleep like a baby. I was unable to lock the door, I had forgotten how to use the key, where to keep it, etc. After successful completion of doing the room locking ritual (I will write about this usual ritual later), I started to walk. I will never forget in my life that walk. The road was flowing like a river. I saw occasional peaks and troughs on the road. I felt the trees were moving with me. Now and then I got suddenly threatened by a ferocious animal running towards me. When I started seeing human beings in the mess, I felt they were aliens from another world. My stomach was empty, and even in my dizziness, I was aware of it. I knew that if I sleep without food, then I would wake up like a dead dog. So, I don't know how, I ate the break fast. Afterwards, I started walking to my room. There were leaves and small wooden pieces lying around, on the soil. I felt they were all snakes. With so much of fear and troubles, I walked among them. When I reached my hostel, its wall was moving! And when I reached my room, all I could do was to fall on my bed and sink into a sound sleep. That was the nirvriti --- that was the nirvana.

Unconscious Mind of a Room

2010-09-30T19:31:00.001+05:30

Does a room have an unconscious mind? For that matter, does a home have an unconscious mind?

It was about two weeks back, a Saturday, I guess, when I thought of tidying up my room. Though I used to clean my room regularly, or irregularly, I have never tried of tidying it up, or to refresh it, or to gave it life again. You, friends of mine, perhaps know that I have been living in my this hostel room at IIT Madras for the past three years. And I have gathered a lot of books --- maths, engineering and fiction --- in my room, which, after reading or skimming through, had never kept in a proper place, but left untouched in my shelf. OK, coming back to the Saturday I was talking about, I set to clean my books and keep them arranged. When I started the job I realized they were so dusty. But that could not weaken my will. To tell the truth, I enjoyed the job --- really! A few minutes into the job, I started unearthing a lot of papers and documents. They came in a pile and ranged from the day I started living in this room. They included one of the drafts of my M.Tech. thesis, which, I remember, had been used for preparing for my thesis defence in August 2007; my admission papers in IIT Madras; my admission order to IISc, Bangalore, which I did not make use of; a lot of technical tutorials and research papers, which I wanted to read but never read (or did I?); the hotel bill I payed for the party I gave to my friends when I passed the comprehensive exam; and so on and on.... Every time I got a new piece of paper from that pile, some memory attached with if lashed in my brain. Those were all my forgotten memories, or rather, memories from the forgotten days. All these documents have been with me during these years without my being aware of them. I like mysteries. Isn't this also an exciting mystery?

I'm sure, if I go home and search my cabinets and old files, I will be unearthing a lot of my forgotten dreams and memories. Thus I started believing that every room, and every home, has got an unconscious mind --- reflective of its inhabitants' !

Don Quixote: an inspiration?

2010-08-25T19:57:00.008+05:30

Old days should have been much better to live, I hope. Meanwhile, I know that this is a foolish hope. Yet, why I hope so is because of the kind of art that was produced in those lost times. Currently, this thought is inspired in me by the story of Don Quixote. I remember, as a small boy, as small as ten years old or so, reading an abridged comic book illustrating the story of Don Quixote, a person, thin and fragile, in his fifties, who, after reading so many heroic stories of knights, becomes insane and deluded to think that he was a knight, too. Perhaps, he must have been bored of the ordinary country life he used to be going through. He sets forth to travel around the world and foolishly reacts to everything he comes across. And, in all his thoughtless endeavours, he fails. But he believes that he succeeded in every situation and defeated everyone who fought with him. I am trying to recollect how my mind was reacting to this fabulous story. Interestingly, I was very confused; at that age, I was unable to make out why a person should behave like that. In the story, he sets forth to many heroic actions but ends up as a fool. I was confused if he was a hero or a comic character. Hero should not fail, right?

The following picture was included in the comic book I read. It illustrates Don Quixote, going mad, while reading a book. Look at the characters his imagination creates around him! In my childhood, my mind was stuck with it. Even now, looking at it, I feel some mystic sensation within.

Don Quixote going insane, by Gustave Doré. (The photo is from wikimedia
resources and is in the public domain.)

As a grown up, I understand what the author, Cervantes, was trying to tell us. Besides, particularly after joining for Ph.D., I feel like Don Quixote! Have I set myself to a task, without much thinking and preparation? Is this true in the case of my decision to get married before finishing my Ph.D.? Truly speaking, I want to find out if Don Quixote had inspired me and, if yes, how. I had procured the unabridged version (of course, translated to English from Spanish) of the book five years ago, but haven't started reading yet. It is very big, probably with 600 pages or more. I think I must read it in the near future.

Mathematics -- Pure and Applied -- and Engineering

2010-08-25T18:21:00.007+05:30

I was trying to understand "what is mathematics" and how it differs from engineering (indeed, a stupid question to ask). I love mathematics, and I am fascinated by it, though I have no good mathematical talents. Furthermore, I know that engineering problems demand so much mathematical skills and knowledge. And many a time, my mind digress from the simplicity of engineering to the wilderness of mathematics without my knowledge. This creates confusion as to what I am doing. A confused mind needs clarity. That is how I began to ask the above question.

I had heard that there is a difference between pure mathematics and applied mathematics. A notable mathematician of the last century, Paul R. Halmos gives clear distinction between them in his talks, interviews and books. According to him, mathematics is an intellectual discipline, done for its own sake. Though it is influenced by nature -- in the sense that a mathematician is a human being, who is a product of nature -- its objective is not the study of nature. In other words, its objective does not have to deal with any natural phenomena, or control of nature, or use of natural forces for humanity. Its objective is to play around clearly defined axioms -- which are often motivated by nature but generalized and expressed as abstract ideas so that its connection with nature has become irrelevant and invisible -- and to understand their implications completely. That is, mathematicians are after the complete knowledge of an axiomatic system. Research in mathematics is to discover (note this: discover, not invent) any hidden knowledge in the abstract system, generated by axioms. And axioms are gods -- no questioning them, as long as they are clearly defined (there are debated axioms, too, e.g., axiom of choice -- if I am wrong tell me). On the contrary, the objective of applied mathematics is, using the Halmos' term, action; he implies physical action, or manipulating nature and its forces for some use. In other words, applied mathematics solves mathematical problems, which arise exclusively from applications. For example, suppose we arrive at a weird and so far unheard type of differential equation (I don't know if such an equation exists, but I contrive this as an illustrative example from my limited imagination) while trying to design a system. Finding out a method to solve such a problem means research in applied mathematics. Or else, it can be trying to find an efficient (fast or computationally light) method from the existing ones. Hence, applied mathematics heavily appears in physics, engineering and other applied sciences -- wherever there is action. To summarise, the pure mathematicians are after knowledge, whereas the applied mathematicians are after action.

Of course, an engineer can solve the kind of problems that an applied mathematician works on, but one must be very talented, having a good hold on mathematics. Rather, engineering is probably different. By and large, people say that an engineer is a problem solver. So, he may not really develop the mathematics required to solve a problem, but, rather, he may borrow the most appropriate concepts from mathematics to develop an efficient and practically realizable solution. This is my current thought on this. However, I know that it is not complete. I am trying to understand this more. I guess that I should look into what the "engineers" have done in the past, especially, the greatest ones.

In the above effort, which was just an errand from my normal studies, I found a few interesting facts. I list them above, without organizing them well and without any purpose.

Paul R. Halmos is the first to use "iff" in the place of "if and only if" in mathematics literature (at least he claims so).
Paul Halmos is the first to use the small square to indicate the end of a proof in mathematics.
Josiaph Willard Gibbs is the first person who was awarded the first Ph.D. in the United States in engineering (strictly speaking, applied science and engineering); this happened in 1863, and he got the degree from Yale University. Why it is interesting to me is just because I, as a signal processing engineer, know Gibbs through Gibbs phenomenon. He is not a signal processing engineer, though.

When I leave this post, a few problems are lingering in my mind: What is engineering? What is a "fundamental" problem in engineering like? What can be considered as a seminal contribution in engineering: solving a "problem" or inventing "something" new?

Stupid AMMA

2010-08-23T13:28:00.004+05:30

Shameful, they call it AMMA -- a word that symbolizes love and unselfish service. By AMMA, I mean the "Association of Malayalam Movie Artists". They embarrassed all the Malayalis by keeping themselves away from the ONAM celebration function organized by the Govt. of Kerala to honor the great actor Kamal Hassan [1]. AMMA says that Kamal is not a Malayali, and the Govt. of Kerala should choose a Malayali actor to honor rather than a Tamil actor. This is a blunder -- a Himalayan blunder. Fortunately, other associations in the Malayalam film industry did not subscribe to AMMA's views but actively participated in the program.

Kerala Chief Minister V.S. Achuthananthan honoring Kamal Hassan on 22 Aug, 2010, at Thiruvananthapuram. (Photo courtesy Mathrubhumi Malayalam daily)

In a larger perspective, the AMMA's argument caters to nothing less but the narrow-minded regionalism, which is otherwise unheard in Kerala. This attitude is always destructive. The Chief Minister V.S. Achuthananthan may be right to say that the Malayali actors are coveting only fame and recognition; they have no respect for the true art. We know this from the recent experience. The golden age of Malayalam cinema was in the 80's and 90's. Those days are gone. To save Malayalam cinema from the grave peril of forgetfulness, new talents are to rise. Then, the old, sterile idiots will be wiped out forever. For the sake of the art I wish this happens soon.

[1] Mathrubhumi news -- 23/08/2010

A New Light

2010-07-27T16:56:00.004+05:30

Yesterday, I saw a new light flashing in my mind --- a new light of knowledge:

"...have been working on this area for the past twenty years" may perhaps matter much less compared to "have been critically thinking on this topic for the past twenty minutes".

Reduced Activity in sandeeppalakkal.blogspot.com -- An Investigation Report

2010-07-07T22:53:00.107+05:30

Reduced Activity in sandeeppalakkal.blogspot.com -- An Investigation Report

Staff Reporter,
July 7, 2010.
PALAKKAL TIMES.

Stupid and irrelevant, or just a waste of time -- these are the phrases that you would most likely utter about the posts that appear in www.sandeeppalakkal.blogspot.com. However, you might have been surprised to see very less articles in that website recently. In fact, there was not a single post in April! So what's going on? What happened to the writer? Has he stopped writing? In this issue, Palakkal Times brings you an exclusive report on this most astonishing and unprecedented phenomenon.

For our team it was very difficult to meet Sandeep Palakkal this time. We searched all his dwelling places inside and outside IITM, and just failed. Even his close associates in IITM could not answer our question -- where is Sandeep Palakkal? They faced our questions with bewilderment and they were quite helpless. However, they gave us some clues on this -- a very important one that would finally lead to find the man.

After hearing what happened to Sandeep Palakkal recently, we spotted a few places in IITM where Sandeep could possibly be. Though we would not reveal those places publicly, we would tell you how we found him. It was almost evening, close to 6 P.M., and we were almost going to give up our search for him. One of our last places to search for him was the IITM stadium. We went there, and it was almost dark. It should have been very hard to find him among the numerous health-conscious men and women who came for jogging in the ground. But not quite so! Our attention was immediately caught by the lean man lying on the ground, as if he had fallen, with his hand pressing on the right side of his head. We first thought he was injured on the head when he fell down. We went near him to help him out, and we found -- the man we were searching for! He was not injured; neither he had fallen. Rather he was speaking on the phone, keeping it against his ear. Seeing us he grinned; his smile had an unmistakable touch of shyness. He showed us to sit and told the person on the other end of the phone that he was going to disconnect. We bombarded him with questions. In brief words, he told us (emphasis added):

"Of course, blogging has been one of my mind-soothing activities. And I know that it has been reduced recently. This partly owes to my increased focus in research [ഓ, തന്നെ തന്നെ]; but a major reason is that I spent most of my free hours with the system packed in red shown in the photo [he showed us a photo, which, for the readers' aid, is attached below]. I am connected with this system through India's 3G GSM wireless network. And my free hours -- i.e., freedom -- cripples [he was smiling]. But the overall performance of this new connection is extremely satisfactory."

(Lakshmi and Sandeep; they got engaged on July 20, 2010.)

We would like to tell our dear readers that we pestered Sandeep to talk more, but the more we pestered the little he spoke. He just added that he has been engaged with Lakshmipriya, who is a doctor (one who can prescribe medicine) and lives in the city of Calicut. When we asked for more details he told us to wait and see. We know that the readers are more curious as we are. But for the time being, we stop here. Watch these pages -- we will be adding more details as our most skillful reporters dig them out.

Question to the reader: who do you think was Sandeep speaking to when we found him in the ground?
Send in your answers to us and receive gifts to the selected answers. Your answers should reach us before the sunrise on July 31, 2009.

Paradox in thought

2010-06-26T14:31:00.002+05:30

What non-vegetarians think when they eat non-vegetarian food: "This contains a lot of proteins. This is good for my health".

What vegetarians think when they reject non-vegetarian food: "This contains a lot of proteins. Excess protein is bad for my health".

Did you see the paradox in thinking?

So, "eat if you like, or don't if you don't; and don't give me reasons".

Eternal Journey of Love: A story

2010-05-24T22:00:00.032+05:30

Eternal Journey of Love

Sandeep Palakkal

The old man was reading in his study since morning. In fact, he had been reading for years, every day of his life. In the past he used to find time to read even during his busy work schedule. But now that he had been retired for years and he had nothing else to do, he was free to choose his favourite activity day and night.

It was midday when his wife, an old woman herself, came and sat near him. She gazed at him with a face gleaming with joy from the thought how delightfully immersed was the old man in his reading. She always loved watching him this way. As though sensed her gaze and thoughts, the old man raised his eyelids around which there were thin white hairs, and looked at his wife, smiling. The wife read the title of the book – Love in the Time of Cholera. She exclaimed how many times she had seen him reading the same book again and again. He replied that he was always tormented by Marquez's this tale of love – a love that began quite innocently, unknowingly, and then waited for long years, from one century to the next, for its fulfilment. Like the love of Florentino Ariza for Fermina Daza, the entire novel had been disturbing him like a flame in his heart ever since he first read the book, he said. As Forentino and Fermina were on an eternal journey up and down the stream in the wild Magdalena river that passed through the Carribbean, the old man wanted to read the novel again and again, eternally. The woman saw the old man's eyes shining with joy as he spoke of the novel. There was another book, lying on the table, which she remembered buying a week ago, on an evening, when they went to the town. It was a recently published book, which the old man showed her as a masterpiece of a writer who won the Nobel prize last year. He wanted to start reading it immediately after finishing the present book. During the last one week, the woman had seen him many times taking that book, reading the reviews on the back, skimming through the pages, and smelling the leaves. And she knew how passionate he was about books and reading. She loved his passion, though she used to tease him that he was crazy.

“It is lunch time, and everything is ready,” she pointed out.

The old man put a marker on the page he was currently reading, kept the book on the table, and rose from his chair. The woman stood nearby. Placing his hand on her fragile shoulder, he told her that he hoped he could finish the book by the evening, as there were only around forty pages left. She smiled and led him to the dining room.

The lunch was simple – a little brown rice, vegetable curry made of raw banana and fish curry with coconut; added to it was pappadam and mango pickle. Both the husband and wife enjoyed their meals; they served each other, and, telling a lot of jokes and stories from their old days, they laughed till the end. As he washed his hands, the wife asked if he was going back to his study to continue reading. But the old man wanted to catch some sleep. He knew the lady slept everyday through the afternoon. And he wanted to sleep with her.

As they were lying down on their backs on the soft cushion bed, he said he was going to dream waking up in the evening and resuming his reading, savouring a cup of black-tea made by her. Giggling, she turned her body to his side, put her hand on his chest, and sank into sound sleep. Feeling her warm breath on his neck, he also fell asleep when he could not tell. When she woke up, the sun had descended from his thrown, and the birds were welcoming a blissful evening with their songs. With a rested, serene mind, she went to the kitchen and prepared tea. She called him when she brought tea into the bedroom. He was still in the depth of his sleep. And the old woman tried to wake him up by shaking his arm which , suddenly, she felt frozen like ice. She sensed the coldness of his body entering hers through her fingers which held his arm for a long time, and flowing through her nerves to her heart. Suddenly she realized that the light of her life – the warmth of his love – was gone forever, and she was condemned to live in that cold loneliness the rest of her life.

She was not an avid reader like him. She used to read sometimes – that was all. But she continued reading Love in the Time of Cholera, again and again, until she died one day, again leaving a few pages unread. She wanted to be a part of that eternal journey of love, up and down the river through the jungle. In this way, she could feel his warm presence in her soul. She read the other book, which the old man had left without reading on his table, with a sense of fulfilling her husband's unrealized dream. She kept that book always with her, and used to smell its leaves to inspire her memories of a lost, warm love....

Chennai,
May 24, 2010.

A Lesson on Discrimination and Education

2010-05-22T18:20:00.011+05:30

Thanks to Swapna (visit her here: http://swapnaravindran.blogspot.com/) I went through the following website and gained some insights into a few things, especially, social discrimination and education. The web-link is http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/divided/. The story is exciting: in 1968, after Martin Luther King was assassinated, Jane Elliott,a school teacher, finds it difficult to explain her third-grade students why a national hero was assassinated suddenly. She does not know how to explain social discrimination to those small kids, but is inventive enough (very much!) to find a way out -- that is, to make them experience it. She divides her class into two -- those with blue eyes and those with brown eyes. Then she tells the class that the blue-eyed people are superior to the brown-eyed ones, and make rules to treat the students separately, where all the rules are advantageous to blue-eyed people. She observes the students, their behaviour and reactions. The next day she tells the class that in fact it was the brown-eyed people superior than the blue-eyed ones, and reverts all the rules. The revelations of her study were startling. Those who were treated as superior started to behave that way and performed well in the tasks assigned to them, while other group grew sad first, angry later, and performed poorly. In this way, the teacher was trying to prove that (or learn that) social discrimination is evil and creates antagonism among people. She also was successful to help the students experience the effects of discrimination themselves. She was also successful in finishing this experiment peacefully, teaching the lesson to the students positively, and bringing back the harmony among the students that prevailed before the experiment started.

Her experiment is not only a lesson on social discrimination, but also in education: how to be a good teacher, how to focus on the lesson rather than emotion. For example, she has repeated this experiment on several groups of students and adults, and once when applied on a group of inmates in a prison, the adults reacted very badly. She maintained her composure, responded logically, without losing her focus on the subject -- that is, what she wanted to prove or teach. These classes are recorded in video and are available in the website. I suggest everyone watch these videos and take the lessons home.

A Personal Experience:
Regarding discrimination, after watching the videos I can recall how similar my feelings were when treated as inferior on a few situations earlier, especially as a boy. I still remember an occasion when one of my family members compared me with some children who were around, during a party, citing they were more cheerful and smarter than me. That person said it was because they were English medium students (I was doing my school in my mother tongue -- Malayalam). Ever since, I thought I was inferior to every English medium student. It was a really bad feeling, rather painful and shameful -- a feeling of inferiority. Though I had long forgotten this incident, I remembered it two or three years ago when a person, after talking at length with me in English, asked which medium I finished my school in. I said it was Malayalam. And he was astonished and gave me a strange look, partly in doubt and partly in amazement. I asked the reason. He told me that I spoke good English, I finished my post-graduation in a top engineering college of India, and besides, I was planning for higher studies. He continued that he could not believe that a person educated in vernacular language could do so. These are his comments. I'm not here to say that I am smart, but to point out a wrong belief prevailing among the people -- that people who are schooled in their local language are inferior to English medium students! See how this belief becomes a source of social discrimination. Just after writing this, I am reminded of our great former President: Dr. K. R. Narayanan, who struggled and made his way from the lowest strata of the society, finally to become the President of India; I used to admire him very much.

In this world there are more stupid reasons to discriminate people. In India, they are religion, caste, colour, local language, and so on. While religion, caste etc. are universal sources of discrimination, local language should be typically Indian, I feel. Indians are not a single people; they are divided as Malayalis, Tamils, Kannadigas, Telugus, Marathis, Kashmiris, Panjabis, and so on. Or, even as North Indians and South Indians. To handle the Indian situation, to impart knowledge to Indian students, to keep the harmony between our people, I think, we need thousands of teachers like Jane Elliott.

My Answer

2010-05-18T17:34:00.006+05:30

It is needless to say that movies (I'm talking only about Malayalam movies) are becoming worse and worse in their artistic qualities these days. "Art is the only justification to life," said Nietzsche. Then, if art becomes just a money-making business, what does remain to be upheld as a justification to life? My answer is this: Imagination. The ability to imagine everything in my life, even impossible things! When movies degrade I should acquire the ability to imagine my own life as a movie! Or broadly, as a novel. Of course, this is a reductionism -- reductionism of a complicated, non-interpretable life as a simple, integral story. But, in this way, I can find some meaning... some justification. What else is life but an interpretation?

After A Journey

2010-05-18T17:23:00.004+05:30

April was a very dry month -- oh, I mean I had no post in my blog! Otherwise, it was a very hot month. And I was very much immersed in my work, I mean my research work. My eyes were soaring by looking at the monitor; my fingers were almost broken by writing programs; and my brain almost ceased to work. Then I took a journey to home -- a journey which was composed of a few short travels. I had to attend two marriages and a family function, and had to travel to Mangalore. All my travels were confined to the Indian west-coast, mainly within Kerala. One thing is for sure -- Chennai is hotter than Kerala and Mangalore. Indeed I was sweating in Kerala, but as soon as I got to Chennai, my body started taking bath in sweat.

Also, since I was making so many travels after a long time -- maybe, for the first time in this year, especially using the public transport system -- I felt very glad to see that the world is still out there: it exists naturally, normally, without my knowledge and involvement. It is I who is away from the world, sitting in front of a computer, in an academic environment. For me, this was a sweet reminder -- a reminder of life itself.

World, wait there for me,
I am coming to you....

Now, May is getting hotter and hotter. And I am back at my desk, looking at the monitor, sitting muddle-headed, and writing functions after functions in MATLAB.

Sandeep Palakkal

"I am God"

2010-03-25T15:59:00.003+05:30

A new T-shirt caption reads like this:

"I was an atheist

until I realized

that

I am God".

How's it? Great, right? I like it!

So, is there any hidden ideology behind it? Who cares, in a time when ideology itself lacks an ideology?

Dialectical Materialism and Bachchan

2010-03-25T15:55:00.001+05:30

"Since Amitabh Bachchan is the brand ambassador for Modi's Gujarat government, he is not fit to become Kerala's brand ambassador" --CPI(M).

I don't understand the logic. If the aversion is against Modi, what Amitab has to do with him? If it is against the capitalist concepts of marketing and brand ambassador, then, again, what Amitab has to do with it? The logic against capitalism and industry did not work when West Bengal invited Tata to start the Nano manufacturing plant in their state. WB is also ruled by CPI(M)!

Boy, dialectical materialism is sometimes hard to understand! My limited intellect tells me: "may god save CPI(M)".

Any way, it is very bad to insult a great actor like Amitab in the name of "Dialectic Materialism". Amitab should've been excluded before inviting him. The image now is that CPI(M) lacks integrity.

Autumn of IITM

2010-03-19T14:08:00.009+05:30

It's a hot, sultry afternoon, and I am taking rest in my room, after lunch. My room is hot but cosy, and it's very calm and quiet outside -- I can hear only songs of birds and the wind. I rise from my bed; get dressed slowly, like a person with no purposes; come out of my room, and, after locking it, start walking. I am walking very slowly, completely aware of everything around me. The corridor of the hostel is deserted, and every room is locked -- there is none in their rooms! The sky is blue and there are small, bright, white clouds scattered around. I start descending the stair case -- descending is always easier than ascending! I know that my bicycle should be somewhere in the porch, though the exact location I never care to remember. Without any difficulty, however, now I am able to locate it, as there are only a few of them there. I get on the bicycle with ease and start driving towards my lab.

The afternoon is hot and sultry. And the roads are almost empty, except occasionally for some people riding to the canteen for food or returning to work.There are trees on both sides of the road, giving me shadows, and thus saving me from the heat of the scorching sun. I see some young girls in white-and-green school uniform coming from the school for lunch break. They are talking to each other continuously while looking around and enjoying the afternoon. Their faces are gleaming with immense joy which make them even more beautiful. Until I pass them my eyes keep scanning them -- I see their happiness, liveliness, innocence, and joy. I look at every guy passing me as though I am trying to learn something from his face; they all pass me, with calm faces.

The afternoon, though hot and sultry, looks beautiful and serene. As I am heading towards my workplace, I look at the long road; I can see till the next turn, which comes a hundred meters away. I sense with wonder that my immediate future is waiting for me on the road and I am passing through my life as I ride the bicycle. Suddenly, there comes a soothing breeze, caressing my face and hair, as if it wants to tell me something; a shower of dead, yellow leaves from the trees falls on me... and around me. I wish if this moment would just freeze and stay forever... but, no: it passes me... and I go on. It is autumn in Chennai. The trees are becoming dry and leafless. They remind me how they (and me) celebrated the winter and spring. That joy is gone. Those moments are gone. And we will also be gone. There is none on the road, and I can see until the next turn. Everything is green... and serene. Again, another moment, which I wish to freeze. I don't know if the world is a reality or a mere idea. But, at this very moment, I love the very idea... that I am alive. And... I know... I will be gone tomorrow....

Sandeep Palakkal
March 19, 2010.

Women's Bill: The First Step

2010-03-10T09:28:00.000+05:30

Indian Rajya Sabha passes with 191 against 1 votes "the women's bill" for reservation up to 33% for women in the parliament seats. Now the Lok Sabha should pass the same for it to become effective; will it happen?

"Now the fight is no longer between the boys, but between us--girls": Sushma and Brinda celebrating the moment. (photo courtsey to The Hindu daily, March 10, 2010).

On Baudolino, Snow, and white lies

2010-02-14T18:10:00.007+05:30

    "... I am a writer of histories... Where will I put the story that Baudolino told me?" [Niketas]
    "Nowhere. The story is all his. And anyway, are you sure it is true?" [Paphnutius]
    "No. Everything I know I have learned from him, as from him I learned that he was a liar." [Niketas]
    ...
    "It was a beautiful story. Too bad no one will find out about it." [Niketas]
    "You surely don't believe you're the only writer of stories in this world. Sooner or later, someone -- a great liar than Baudolino -- will tell it." [Paphnutius]

This is how Umberto Eco finishes his novel "Baudolino"--just by admitting that "I am that someone (of course, a great liar than Baudolino) who has now told you the great story of Baudolino, which, in turn, is a great lie". Thus he joyfully laughs at himself, and once again reinforces his concept of a novel. For, I remember him saying in "The Name of the Rose" that he (or the narrator in that story) was writing it, claiming to be based on a true historical event but without assuming the narration to be historically true, to enjoy the sheer pleasure of writing. But, at the same time, both his stories named above are very beautiful, investigating on the deep nature of human beings--their love, deception, hatred, jealousy, lust for mysteries etc. And in every aspect these novels are more than imaginative: they are brilliantly intellectual. And this is why I love his novels. I believe that this philosopher-cum-medievalist-cum-semiotician-cum-novelist has written five novels, and I, having finished "Baudolino" this week, am already feeling an internal urge to read all his other works.

"Baudolino" is the story of Baudolino, who lived in twelfth century as an adoptive son of the emperor Frederic, and his mysterious ventures. Specially, he ventures deep into Asia, probably into India, to find a lost Christian kingdom of "Prester John". Baudolino is an intelligent, learned, widely read man, who easily learn any language--a skill that helps him wander into the unknown places. His most celebrated talent is the ability to tell lies so convincingly. Maybe, Umberto Eco means that he was a great story teller. Anyway, the novel is written as is told by Baudolino to Niketas. While reading, like "The Name of the Rose", I was thrown into an unknown medieval world. In this novel also, again as in "The Name of the Rose", the main character (Baudolino) walks through a lost, ancient, underground cemetery, where dead bodies of monks are kept. That was a beautiful moment of the novel.

This weekend, I also finished another novel from another exceptional novelist, which I was reading in parallel with "Baudolino". It was "Snow" by Orhan Pamuk. Unlike "Baudolino", which takes place in twelfth century, in the medieval Christian world and Asia (or India?), "Snow" is set in Kars, a remote city in Turky, in the modern times (90's), in the modern Muslim world. The story is based on the headscarf issue in Turky, and, more than that, it talks about IDENTITY. Yes, a conflict of identity between the Western and Muslim worlds. The perspective of radical Islam is portrayed well. I, being from India, can see the point, and, after reading the novel, have started doubting my own identity as an Indian. To what extend am I really Indian, or Malayalee, for that matter, vis-a-vis am I influenced by Western thought? I don't know. As always, I find an excuse for my ignorance: I am not so intelligent to answer this (any) question.

In "Snow", the author starts narrating the story of his poet friend, Ka, who ventured to Kars to meet the woman of his dreams, Ipek, and to propose her. He is then caught in the political and social issues in Kars. Finally, the author, Orhan, himself becomes a part of the story and talks to us as a character in the story. This was very beautiful. Furthermore, to my surprise, and to provoke me to remember my own opinion on Eco's concept of a novel, a character, Fazil, in "Snow" tells the author, Orhan:

"If you write a book set in Kars and put me in it, I'd like to tell your readers not to believe anything you say about me, anything you say about any of us. No one could understand us from so far away."

To this, the author replies:

"But no one believes everything they read in a novel."

My question: does the author imply that the entire novel was a lie that he created out of his imagination to say something that he wanted to say (of love, deception, jealousy, identity, Western vs Islamic)?

Lately, I have started coveting to become a man, a BIG liar, who can imagine a lot, who has a repletion of words in his consciousness, and to write great stories.... My god (though I am an agnosticist in theory and atheist in practice, to tell a lie), if I were to become so!!!

Lost Freedom

2010-02-12T11:58:00.003+05:30

Mother, you created me free,
I was free to savour your milk,
And enjoy my life.
But I created a cage,
And imprisoned you there,
Hoping to gain greater joy,
And power.
I did not know that I was
Incarcerating myself.
Losing all my freedom,
Now I live in vain....

--Sandeep Palakkal,
Feb 12, 2010.

Roads and highways: another view.

2010-02-09T17:33:00.004+05:30

Inspired by Sankar's roads and highways:

I don't know how to differentiate between a road and a highway; quite unsurprisingly, I don't have the insight Kundera possessed. But I've traveled enough, on the roads and on the highways. When I am traveling on the road, I am not free: I have to constantly take decisions as to which way to turn, where to stop etc. I'm still in the common life that I am always in. But when I am on the highway, I feel a sort of free of myself. I know that the highway has a destination, and that is the same as mine. I just have to go, without effort, without much thought; it is like a river flowing effortlessly to its destination, without worrying about it. In that process, I am free and can see a lot of dreams. During such a journey, my dreams are absolutely "unnecessary", without any particular aims. That is what I mean "I am free". If somebody ask me which is better, a journey on a road or on a highway, I've no answer. I don't know!

Quite recently, I had a long journey on a highway. However, this time, I was not free of thoughts, and was not aimless. I was struggling to make a solid decision on something concerned with my life. Of course, I forgot the highway, the destinations, and myself.... I swear, I will never forget that nauseating journey.

Inner Voice

2010-01-27T11:15:00.002+05:30

This is between us, you and me.
I am communicating to you
Through this unsophisticated poem.
You know, poetry is my way
To understand me.
Me? Who is the me?
That is the doubt now....
Is this me a thought?
No, I've conflicting thoughts.
But me is peaceful.
Is this me a feeling?
No, I've conflicting feelings.
But me has integrity.
Is this me an ego?
No, my ego is a burden to me.
But me is soothing to me.
Is this me a body?
No, my body is sick.
But me is strong.
Is this me an action?
No, all my actions are empty.
But me is my only meaning.
Then who is this me?
Who knows? And who cares?
All I know is that
The night is cold;
It is late, silent, serene;
And my bed is warm, cosy;
And I am almost sleeping.
Or I no longer can say
If I am awake....

--Sandeep Palakkal.
Chennai, Jan 2010.

Song of a Mystic

2010-01-15T20:59:00.007+05:30

When I said I have infinite fingers,
They felt I am crazy,
For, none can have infinite fingers.

When I said I have infinite intelligence,
They assumed I am deluded,
For, none can be infinitely intelligent.

When I said I have infinite talent,
They replied I am arrogant,
For, none can be infinitely talented.

When I said I have infinite joy,
They said nothing,
For, they didn't understand me!

--Sandeep Palakkal,
Jan 2010.

Why don't I hate?

2010-01-06T23:43:00.002+05:30

(Ref: http://sandeeppalakkal.blogspot.com/2010/01/reason-to-laugh-constitutional-rights.html; and its comments)

Q) Why don't I hate human beings?

A) Because, my hate is a paramount instinct; it is reserved for the great.

Some "serious" thoughts

2010-01-06T23:24:00.007+05:30

Chennai is cool these days. I can't believe that I am in Chennai, especially after the hot summer that we had last year. So, again, after the really hot summer and this really cool winter, I have started loving hot days and cool nights!

Yesterday, I sat in my room, feeling the coldness of the night, with a lot of dreamy thoughts in my mind. I was not disturbed by any worries of life. The night was very silent, and I could even hear clearly the dogs barking somewhere at distance. I was just reminded of my home and school days. Elders used to say that dogs bark and howl in the night when they see "Yamadeva" coming on his vehicle, a big cow (or was it bull?),to take lives of people; and I used to imagine him, riding a big, black cow, holding a sword shining in the moon-light. I felt nostalgic.

Then I lay down on my bed, though sleep was nowhere near. I felt cold, very cold; I craved for warmth. I put a thick bed sheet on my body (in Chennai--oh, I still can't believe!). Then I closed my eyes. Calm... release... silence.... There was no thoughts in my mind; or rather, I was thinking through images. Many a time, I visit a world, far away, hundred-thousands of light years away from earth; humans haven't yet discovered that world, and I hope they will never. It is beautiful... green... silent... calm... full of animals, birds, trees, and everything that is on earth, except human beings. Hence there is no nonsense, or I don't have to check if something is nonsense or not! I walk on that lonely planet alone, with a calm but thinking mind, sometimes stopping to talk to some animals and birds.

Today, the world is that of the working man's. Everyone is working hard. Work is worship. When I was dreaming under the thick bed sheet, enjoying its warmth, I felt no urge for anything. It was relaxing, calm. Then it occurred to me that the modern man doesn't know why he/she is alive. They have just forgotten the simplicity of life. Work, worship, god, religion, marriage, war, gossip, bikes, cars, roads, people, music, movies, books... the world is full of nonsense, and noise. I just went outside the campus recently, just to get out of the boring campus life. I found only people, in buses, trams, roads, everywhere. Vehicles were continuously flowing on the roads. Why? After all, it was a Sunday evening, and why can't people just rest at their homes? I don't know.

Thinking all these, yet feeling serenity in the mind, I fell asleep... when? I don't know...

Now, will you call me a misanthrope?

A reason to laugh: Constitutional Rights; Fabrication; Twist; and Forgery.

2010-01-01T09:37:00.017+05:30

Rathore refused to speak to the media, saying, “Only if you have the constitutional right to make me speak, I will talk."
The Hindu, Dec 31, 2009.

Does a 14 year old girl, who is a budding tennis player, living in India, have the constitutional rights to grow up, playing tennis, leading a successful career and a happy life, with her parents and brother, or does she have the constitutional rights at least to dream so, without having been raped and harassed, and finally prompted to commit suicide, by a person who knows and talks about the constitutional rights, like you for example, Mr. Rathore sir? Does a 14 year old boy, living in India, have constitutional rights to register a complaint against a police officer who raped his sister, without the fear of being charged with fake cases and humiliated in the public and the police station? I am an ignorant, so do I ask these questions.

[Rathore's] wife Abha, who is also his lawyer in the case...alleged that “fabricated, twisted and forged” allegations were being presented by the family of the victim in the case, in which Rathore was sentenced to six months in jail.
The Hindu, Dec 31, 2009.

Ms. Abha, possibly you know that the victim has a brother. When the case against your husband was going on, the brother, who was just 14 years old, was "framed" and a number of "twisted and forged" cases were charged against him by your husband, who was the DGP of Haryana, and his men. That young boy not only faced "fabricated, twisted and forged" allegations, but was undergone horrendous torture. We would like to hear your valuable comments on this, not as a lawyer, nor as Rathore's wife, but as a civilized human being.

Mr. Rathore, I don't hate you, because you are just a human being. But I just would like to remind you that you are a grave shame to humanity. And you know it... you know that you are guilty!

Dear reader (if there is any), what do you feel? Aren't these people making a mockery of all of us? Do you feel hurt, or shame, or nothing at all? Or, do you, like me, just feel like laughing?

IFFK'09

2009-12-29T00:26:00.004+05:30

The year 2009, for me, is ending with the International Film Festival of Kerala in Trivandrum. It was indeed a great joy to be a part of IFFK once again, though this time movies that can be classified as "extra-ordinary" were missing. In 2007 we had "Pan's Labyrinth", "Bad Education", "XXY", "Talk to Her", etc., and in 2008 we had "The Class", "Kedma", "Laila's Birthday", "Bad Habits", "Katie's Sister", etc.; they all gave me unforgettable feelings. However, such movies are missing this time, or else, perhaps, I have missed to watch them. Movies were "good", but none of them were "excellent" or "moving"; they were unable to catch my breath!
Of course, Goddard's "Pierrot Goes Wild" was a different experience. Then there was the South African "My Secret Sky" by Madoda Ncayiyana; it was quite refreshing; great direction; great acting by child actors; excellent--Yes!
"Step into the Darkness" was very nice and contemporary. "The Moment of Truth" and "More than a Miracle" were very charming. I watched two Malayalam films: "Pathaam Nilayile Theevandi" and "Sufi Paranja Katha". Both were not up to the standard. I wonder how the first one got the award for the Best Malayalam film in the festival; may be others are even worse. I would like to advice the actors, especially Jayasurya, to watch "My Secret Sky" and learn acting from those child actors; I have nothing to suggest to the director, because the direction was nothing above mediocre. The film was full of unnecessary dramatic sounds in every scene; perhaps, they were trying to compensate poor acting and direction with sound, thereby trying to bring the effects whatsoever they intended!

Dedicated Film Lover: We watched "My Secret Sky" sitting on the floor! (My friend Vimal in picture).

Due to some health reasons, I missed "The Antichrist", which has made some waves among the audience; some even fainted by watching it! Many criticises this movie saying that it is a violent movie with the overones of sexual acts. From what I know about the theme, I believe that people are missing the message; they still live caught among the confusions of morality and mediocrity.

Still I enjoyed the festival, for it is not only about the movies, but also roaming around in Thiruvananthapuram, rubbing shoulders with film-lovers! And, for me, it is very great and nostalgic to spend time in a Malayalam speaking land at least for a few days. If I am in Tamil Nadu, I have to construct the sentences in Tamil before I can speak, otherwise it is English. But it is a very delightful experience to speak without searching for words and caring for the grammar. I know that this is very typical for anyone who is staying away from home for a long time; yet, this is special for me because, now, I am experiencing it.

Tamil Nadu's "activity based learning" gets recognition from China

2009-11-17T12:22:00.002+05:30

Yet another reason to smile: "China seeks state expertise on activity based learning method" (ref. The Hindu, Front page, Nov 16, 2009, http://www.hindu.com/2009/11/16/stories/2009111657980100.htm).

Tamil Nadu government and education department can be very proud of this, along with the central government; and thus, all Indians can too. The Hon. Adviser, Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan, Tamil Nadu, Mr. M.P. Vijayakumar says "... The Chinese delegation was impressed with the way our students of government schools were enthusiastic in classrooms because of the interactive learning and teaching style". Once again, this proves the importance and efficacy of activity based learning.

Kerala has a state designed system of similar kind for government schools. It is called District Primary Education Programme (DPEP) and is supported by the World Bank. People were very scared of this system, and still they feel that this system will only spoil the education of the children who study in government schools. They feel that the rich people will send their children to private schools, where DPEP is not established, and the poor students have to "suffer from DPEP". And they feel that teaching students through "dancing, singing, collecting all the unwanted stuff from the surroundings, etc." will make them morons!

I don't know what is the difference between the activity based learning in Tamil Nadu and DPEP. However, I believe, from my own experience, that learning by doing is more effective than learning from the usual lectures and through writing exams. If I take the sum of all what I have learned, say in engineering, the amount I learned from lectures will be insignificantly small; I learned more myself by direct reading, thinking, experimenting, and discussing with my peers.

I hope things will change and education system will improve. In fact, I know teachers who are steadfast in changing their own teaching methods to make learning process more effective. However, sadly, a vast majority still believes that "we can only teach, it is the student's responsibility to read the books and learn by himself/herself. And if they do not come up to a good level, it is because they don't have aptitude and ability, or because they don't work hard".

I wish to quote what Dr. K. B. M. Namboodiripad, who is the dean of Amrita School of Engineering, Kollam, used to tell us, when I was a lecturer there: "So far teachers have been focusing on the quality of their teaching. Our objective is to shift the focus from teaching to learning". How thrilling, intelligent, wise and moving are these words! Aren't they? Yes, like those of Karl Marx's: "Philosophers have defined the world in many ways. The point is to change it".

--Sandeep Palakkal

What I see out my window: A photo by Sandeep.

2009-11-12T11:56:00.002+05:30

Nov. 12, 2009,
Chennai.
In the last June Sandeep woke up to a usual hot lazy Saturday morning. He opened the back door of his hostel room and witnessed a beautiful scene of love. And he captured it. It is published here: http://whatiseeoutmywindow.blogspot.com/2009/08/sandeeps-temporary-view-in-chennai.html

Ekakiyute Nottepusthakam: A Malayalam Blog from Sandeep Palakkal

2009-11-09T18:58:00.031+05:30

Palakkal Times,
9th November 2009.
by Staff Reporter.

Chennai: After maintaining his English blog http://sandeeppalakkal.blogspot.com for longer time than he expected, Mr. Sandeep Palakkal has launched his second blog, now in Malayalam, here this evening.

Palakkal Times caught him this evening for a brief chat about his new blog. He said it was his long cherished dream to start a Malayalam blog, but he was caught up with the struggles related to his studies, research and work. However, he feels that time will not wait for anyone, and if you want to do something, now is the time for it. He adds that he can't wait for any more, at least in this case. His first blog is a tribute to his mother tongue, and he feels this is the right way he can start his Malayalam blog. He talked about his feeling of alienation from his land, people and, furthermore, his language. He believes that this blog will act as a consolation for him as he can still write in his language what he thinks, feels and enjoys. However, he feels that there is nothing special about this blog as there are "talented Malayalam bloggers" around the world with whom he cannot compete.

His blog address is http://entenottupusthakam.blogspot.com/. He explains that "ente nottupusthakam" in Malayalam means "my note book", which he chose as a coinage to his English blog title "Notebook of a Lonely Wander". When asked whether the readers can expect good articles in his new blog, he replied that he was not worried about it, and his sole intention of writing is "not to be read, but to enjoy the inexorable pleasure of writing".

Kerala Varma Pazhassi Raja: A movie

2009-11-09T14:18:00.003+05:30

Wonderful! Excellent! Spectacular! Adjectives fail me to describe this work of art: Pazhassiraja, a Malayalam movie about the King Pazhassiraja from Kerala, who fought against the British East India Company in the beginning of 19th century, it is directed by Hariharan for M.T. Vasudevan Nair's script. I am not the one who can write reviews of movies. Let me attempt to describe how I enjoyed this movie.

From beginning to end the movie is tight, breathtaking. Every scene has suspense, and I had to eagerly wait to see things happening. Direction is really good, so disciplined and careful. The movie was more than three hours, but I never felt bored (I was reminded of "Seven Samurai"). The director Hariharan has used every character in the movie very well. Everyone has definite roles except for Dora Baber, I don't know why she got a place in the movie--is it for creating some sentimense? However, the character is funny.

The cinematography is excellent. There are a few visually charming scenes throughout the movie. Especially, there is always the presence of the forest in the movie, which is exploited well. The scene in which a white horse is running through the river, Mammootty taking bath in the river, the camera work in the scene where the "Pazhassi pattalam" (the army of Raja Pazhassi) is shown at the Telecheri fort while the King Pazhassi signs a treaty of peace with the British are very good. And there is the introduction of Sarathkumar--excellent. The fight scenes are also very good.

Regarding acting, I have nothing to say. Every actor has done his / her part very well. Sarathkumar is really fantastic. From his introduction to his death, he was like a fire on the screen. His body structure, agility, proud look, everything is superb. (While watching the movie my mother asked me who that actor was, she felt he was a good actor. I told her, in fact, he really is. This is the debut film for Sarathkumar in Malayalam.) And there comes Padmapriya. Maybe, a female character doing so much stunt is for the first time in Malayalam cinema. She has put immense effort into every scene, especially in action scenes. Has she dubbed for herself? Her Malayalam is not natural but good. If she has dubbed herself, great--keep it up! Characters played by Suresh Menon and Manoj K. Jayan are also good. Suresh Menon is becoming better and better, he has to put more effort to improve his facial expressions. However, compared to his other movies, he acted very well in this one. I have nothing to say about Mammootty, I could never say if he was acting--so natural a performance. Excellent are the performances by other actors like Devan, Suman, Jagathy Sreekumar, Jagadeesh and the actors who gave life to the British characters.

I will never forget the fight scenes. They looked really real. Swordfights by Mammootty and Sarathkumar, and fights using bow and arrow by Manoj K. Jayan and Padmapriya, are taken well. The director and stunt director have taken much care to make the scenes natural, fierce and real. We can really feel the spark when two swords are crossed.

The end was nice though I have the opinion that it resembles like the end of the Hollywood movie "300".

Another thing not to forget to write down is the dialogues. Once again M.T. Vasudevan Nair proved his mettle by using the Malayalam language in the most elagant way. Each dialogue is beautiful, poetic, sparkling and unforgettable.

Someone asked me if it is an art movie or commercial movie. What can I say? I can't distinguish. It is a great work of art, and it is commercial--it attracts people, that's all. Any way, I experienced multiple goosefleshes throughout the movie. And there were long-standing ovations and whistles for every stunning scene, performance and dialogue. I think most of the applause went to Sarathkumar as he had to put more stunts and fights than anyone else in the movie. I confess that I want to see the movie once again.

While searching the internet, I discovered this blog: http://malabardays.blogspot.com/. The blogger Mr. Nick Balmer claims to be the great great great great nephew of Thomas Harvey Baber, the British sub-collector of Thalassery under whose command Pazhassiraja was killed eventually in 1805. Thomas's account of Pazhassi's death is put up by Mr. Balmer in his blog.

Paragon of stupidity...

2009-10-29T12:00:00.008+05:30

Thus leaves me yet another month: October. This month I have done a lot of blunders. Very frequently I was caught up in awkward situations, and most of the time, my reactions were shamefully foolish. This reminded me of the limitations of life, as I have written in a previous blog. Maybe, I will argue that the knowledge of my limitations helped me to accept my foolishness, overcome it and stay calm. It helped me not to loose my self-respect yet. In the past, it was my arrogance and self-pride that helped me to stay calm in difficult situations. But in situations where I look foolish, arrogance will not help; on the other hand, it may aggravate my shame. This is where self-pity, not in the usual sense, but in the most profound sense, helps me stay calm.

Self-pity, for the weak man, is self-denouncement or self-negation, but for the strong, it is the knowledge of the "edges"--the boundaries, the limitations. At the same time a strong man will also be aware of the opposite--the limitlessness of man. Furthermore, only he / she who is aware of the edges knows how vast is the space contained by the edges. This is very similar to my other favourite thoughts: "only he / she who is aware of the meaninglessness of life knows its meaning," or "only he / she who understands hate knows what is love." Am I talking about the opposites here? No, I am just saying there are no opposites--there are only duals.

Thinking about it, I am reminded of a few lines I read a few years back:

"What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals! --and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me--nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so."

--William Shakespeare

After all, quoting a man with rich words is much better than writing it down in my poor ones.

--Sandeep Palakkal

"Enlightenment..."

2009-10-22T15:28:00.002+05:30

Thor... placed the horn to his lips... . He drank with all his might and kept drinking as long as ever he was able; when he paused to look, he could see that the level had sunk a little, ... for the other end lay out in the ocean itself.

–-P.A. Munch, Norse Mythology
AMS Press, New York, 1970.

Have you ever thought of the amount of all human knowledge so far? Have you ever felt the urge to learn it all? How much can we learn? How much we already know? What is the percentage of all knowledge that we can get? For example we know (at least vaguely) that,

1. Everything around us is made of atoms.

2. There are some particles called electrons.

3. Opposite magnetic poles attract, and the like ones repel.

4. While inhaling atmospheric air, our lungs absorb oxygen.

5. Plant and trees are living beings.

6. Sun light, when passed through a prism, decomposes into seven colours.

7. Fourier transform of a signal represented in time gives its frequency components.

8. Music can be compressed to MP3 format so that the file size is reduced.

9. Every living being on earth has to die.

10. 1+1 = 2 and 1x1 = 1.

Can I ever complete this list? I wonder and wonder about the amount of knowledge we have.

Yet the beauty is this: it is more important to understand one thing rather than knowing it all. This is what my teacher told me today, "Sandeep, you may read a lot and know a lot. But it is when you re-derive your knowledge you really understand them. And enlightenment comes through understanding."

A particular knowledge may be known to man for a long time. That does not mean that you have understood it. You understand is a different case. And when you understand it in your own way, you see the real beauty--this is the joy of learning.

--Sandeep Palakkal

True Friend

2009-10-11T17:35:00.002+05:30

In Malayalam, we have a proverb: "chengathi nannayal kannadi venda" (i.e., if your friend is good, then you don't need to look at the mirror). I understand its meaning in more depth now. However, it is an old proverb, and it is the modern times now. Hence, I would like to add more to it. For, there are different types of mirrors now.
A true friend
1. should act as a magnification lens (convex) for you to help see distances unknown to you; helps you to grow more, warns you about the pitfalls on your path and helps you guard yourself,
2. should act as a diminishing lens (concave) for you against others' blames and scorns at you; insulates you from the pains of the world, by helping you not knowing what you don't need to, and
3. should act as a plain, clean and unbiased mirror so that you can look at it and know more of you, what you are, where you are, including your qualities as well as your limitations.
Besides, a friend should support you in all your deeds, always, at the same time warning you against wrong moves and actions.
I hope my true friends will warn me when I act without reason, boast of myself in any ways, claim myself great and knowledgeable, and against my cupidity, unjustifiable desires and arrogance. I also hope that they will support me in my constructive biases, attitudes and arguments towards life, without which a life is never a life at all.

--Sandeep Palakkal

Tears, silence and some pessimism

2009-10-10T01:28:00.028+05:30

On October 5th, 2009, I woke up to the terrible news of a huge flood that badly affected Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka. The photograph in the front page of The Hindu daily was very much disturbing. No other photo of any calamity or anything else has ever wounded me so deeply before. Expressing courtesy to The Hindu, let me add a copy of the same here; it is small and of low resolution, unlike the one in the hard copy of the newspaper. The same, along with that day's news is available here: http://www.hindu.com/2009/10/05/stories/2009100557090100.htm.
The caption reads like this: "SHATTERED HOPE: A woman cries on seeing her submerged house at P. Garlapadu village, about 180 km from Hyderabad, in Mahabubnagar district of Andhra Pradesh on Sunday".

I invite you to take a close look at the picture, see the heartbreaking sorrow on her face. This is not from a movie that I watch sometime: this is real, so chillingly real. I don't know why I was deeply hurt by it... I sat on my bed, wordless, looking at the picture for quite a while. My mind was trying to imagine what all agonies were going on in that poor woman's mind. She must be one from that vast majority of the Indian population who struggle for their everyday meal, who don't have time, knowledge, patience and privilege to think about what people like me are worried about: faster internet connection, technology revolution, IT parks, economic recession, the poor quality of roads, whether Shashi Tharoor was right to use the word "cattle class", whether drinking coco-cola was unhealthy, if Indian movies are up to the mark from the international perspective, whether "The Name of the Rose" is the best novel I've ever read, whether ancient Indian contribution to science and mathematics is rightly acknowledged, whether finding water in moon was important to science at all, what are the best skills an engineer should possess, and so on. All she used to worry about was just the everyday meal, not even about her children's education or diet, for they were too luxurious for her to afford. Now, she has lost everything --- everything she has built on through years of hard work, which she can't even dream of doing again. The loss of all hopes, all dreams, and the knowledge that she has no chance of being happy ever again... a bunch of emotions this emptiness can create in you --- this is what I can read on her face. She, as her belongings, is encountering a horrifying state of oblivion from which there is no escape. All she can do is just cry helplessly --- and that is what she is doing. I feel deeply wounded, very deeply wounded.... I am more and more ashamed thinking of the privileges I am enjoying in this world, and all my complaints, anxieties, self-pride, self-esteem, self-respect, are belittled and silenced at once in front of her tears.

Time and again, we have said that India is yet to grow like the US or UK or France or Malaysia etc., that we don't have good facilities, that our people have no civic sense, that we have no self-respect and so on. Now I understand the cold reality of the Indian situation, or broadly the human condition on earth. And I understand my nation, its limitations and its poverty unconditionally. I am just silenced, and I have no more complaints but only an inner awareness of a new enlightenment on the need to make India, not a super power, a hub of technology and science and business, but, at least, a place for humans to live, loving each other, without the need for an unjustifiably herculean effort to do so. She will be (is already) an inspiration for me throughout my life.

--Sandeep Palakkal

On Mullaperiyar and then, on an old brotherhood: continued...

2009-10-09T23:30:00.001+05:30

To my previous article "on Mullaperiyar and then, on an old brotherhood", I would like to add something. This issue should be seen in the light of the recent flood in Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka, and the Telungana Rashtra Samithi chief K. Chandrashekhara Rao's allegation that it was due to the bad and unscientific irrigation works ('Jalayagnam') motivated by bribery and corruption of the late Y.S.R. Reddy-led Congress government that was truly responsible for it, and not the nature's fury. Whether this allegation is true is yet to be established. However, taking a disillusioned look at the presence of corruption in the Indian government offices and politics, it may be reasonable to argue that there is a significant probability that this allegation could be true, or something like this can happen. Forget the corruption story. Think if something similar happens in Kerala due to the raising of the water level as TN advocates. Think how horrifying it would be. Think how much damage it can cause, not only to the lives of the human beings living around the dam, but to the relationship between the states and its peoples! It will be a great damage to India as a nation. It is time to take a responsible decision and to act.

On Mullaperiyar and then, on an old brotherhood

2009-10-09T23:04:00.007+05:30

Foreword: I am afraid this is a long note, and if a reader does not have the patience to read it fully, it is not surprising. In that case, I urge you to read the end part, for a partial read may result in misunderstandings.

I was wondering about the ongoing dispute between the Kerala and Tamil Nadu governments (luckily not peoples) on the Mullaperiyar dam. This very dam is inside the Kerala state, but the dam and the surrounding areas are owned by Tamil Nadu (TN). TN wants to increase the water storage level to 142 feet from the current (I am not sure if it is still current) 136 feet, a move that Kerala opposes, citing that the dam is not strong enough to withstand this and that the surrounding area is heavily crowded by humans; human safety is more important. Kerala is ready to build a new dam, which TN can continue to use. But, for some reason or the other, TN does not agree with this proposition. Kerala was asked to maintain the 142 feet water level by the Hon. Supreme court of India in 2006. However, the later studies on the safety of the dam, conducted independently by two teams comprising the professors from IIT Roorkee and IIT Delhi, both concluded that the dam was "hydrologically unsafe". TN has rejected this report, saying that "the study by IITs can't be relied upon", and that another study by the state (TN) has shown that the dam was safe! I personally don't understand the logic behind this argument. Kerala has repeatedly informed the Hon. Supreme court of India that it was "more concerned with the safety of our people" (The Hindu, Feb 12, 2009). And, TN has rejected (on Feb 12, 2009) the Supreme court’s (not Kerala government's) proposal to form an expert committee to examine if the dam can withstand the pressure of the raised water level. Why is this (I will call 'negative') attitude from TN?

A couple of days back TN has gone to the Supreme court again, this time to stay the permission the central government (through the Union Minister of State for Environment and Forests Jairam Ramesh) has given to Kerala to conduct a survey and an investigation in the Periyar Tiger Reserve to find out the possibilities of constructing a new dam in place of the existing Mullaperiyar dam. What is ironic is that, Ms. Jayalalitha, who is the main political foe of Mr. Karunanidhi, the Hon. Chief Minister (CM) of TN, has hailed this decision of the government! To see the irony, you must remember that Jayalalitha's appreciation of Karunanidhi's decision came just one day after she had criticized the state's (TN) and the center's move to help the "stateless" Srilankan Tamils who took refuge in India to get settled here by making them permanent citizens. In reply, DMK (the political front led by Karunanidhi) criticized Jayalalitha "for politicizing the issue" of Srilankan Tamils. Reading between the lines, it may be relevant to ask a question: is Mullaperiyar issue a matter of prestige than reason among the political parties of TN? Because, in all other issues they fight each other, but only in this issue they "stand together"!

Well, I don't intend to construe the situation in any way. I just asked a question, that's all. I know how bold a stand Karunanidhi had taken in the past regarding the RAMASETHU issue. He had stayed with reason and scientific logic than religious feelings and mythology. He did not change his stand even after most of the Indian leaders deplored his comments in the later days. This demands great respect. I wish if he takes the similar stand in the Mullaperiyar issue also. To grow above ones own biases and prejudices and stand with the logic is not only heroic but very much required to maintain amity between the societies, and we expect this quality more from the leaders because their responsibilities are greater.

Now let me tell you why I suddenly wrote this article. There are mainly two reasons: out of concern and out of love. First, let me explain my concern. Today, Kerala's water resource minister Mr. N.K. Premachandran said that the response of the TN's recent move for a stay on the survey will be "strong protest". I don't understand the logic behind this either. First of all, there is a speculation that the TN's attitude is due to political reasons than logical. In that case, how can a "strong protest", however strong that may be, help? If I were the minister, I would have understood the special nature of the situation and tried in all possible ways (through discussions, dialogues, meetings and every democratic and diplomatic means) to convince the TN government and its people the seriousness and truth of the situation and the need for constructing a new dam at the earliest. I would have also listened to all concerns of TN regarding the new dam and taken measures to alleviate them. Our politicians have to mature yet. Now the second reason for writing this note: love. It is rather brotherhood or love between the brothers. Kerala minister Mr. M.A. Baby came to Chennai recently for participating in an Onam celebration of Chennai Malayalees. He asked the Malayali community here and to the people of TN to uphold the long standing brotherhood between them. And it was in the recent past that Karunanidhi declared Onam a holiday immediately (just in three days, the Hindu newspaper says) at the request of the Chennai Malayali community. There is an obvious long standing relationship between the states. But the recent disputes (besides the Mullaperyar, we have the Southern railway division issue also) are quite disturbing. When one looks into the comments by Malayalis and Tamils in websites and groups discussing these disputes, there is a split. Well, I don't want to mention those comments here, which will only malign my blog. On the other hand, the objective is to forget them and reaffirm the age-old ties. It is only through amicable, diplomatic and democratic proceedings that we can sort out this (seemingly simple) issue; this needs a lot of discipline from both parties. I hope this will happen soon and my country (India, not just Kerala) will be safe and out of any internal splits.

This is my personal view, which is obviously not very educated, for I am not an expert in all these; I am just an engineer(ing student). I have not given a precise list of references I have used to write this article; by and large, it is the Hindu newspaper's online contents and some other chhotta-motta websites. The article about the Mullaperiyar dispute in wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mullaperiyar_Dam) has been a good read; the references therein are also very helpful. For a comprehensive history of the dispute, which I did not mention in the article, see R. Krishnakumar's article in Frontline at http://www.hinduonnet.com/fline/fl1724/17240420.htm.

If someone find out any kind of bias or prejudice in the above article, please convey the same to me. I hope there is none. I don't look at Kerala and Tamil Nadu differently, and so not at Tamils and Malayalis. I love both. If Malayalam is my great mother, Tamil is my great grandmother. And greater is my beloved nation: India.

--Sandeep Palakkal.

In the woods, with mysteries

2009-10-09T18:04:00.017+05:30

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

--Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, 1923.

Thanks Frost for your really enchanting poem "stopping by woods on a snowy evening". I still remember myself, as a boy, reading it, reciting it, and learning it by heart during my school days!

Hindsight: Taking a different perspective now, I understand that I have no promises to keep and no miles to go before I sleep. I am man of no objectives; there is nothing to do, nothing to achieve... . I too am astonished by the beauty and mysteries surrounding me. Like a child under some magical influence, I have forgotten myself; I have forgotten the past and the future; I have forgotten where I am; and I no longer have a sense of anything else but this soothing existence. I am feeling quite calm and serene now. Dear Frost, please forget me, I am not subscribed to your view. Let me stay here forever, just enjoying the lovely, dark and deep mysteries... .

Let me just believe that I am going to live forever...
My dear friend, what else is a better belief,
And what else is a better relief,
In this ephemeral existence full of grief?

--Sandeep Palakkal, 2009.

Scientific Quests

2009-10-07T15:52:00.001+05:30

Let me keep myself open to every scientific thoughts from every directions.
Let me keep my mind ready to learn from anyone, anywhere, at any time.
To be objective in thoughts, to be inspired by mysteries,
To learn more and more, to imagine more and more,
Let me gather all of my energy...

--Sandeep Palakkal

55th National Film Awards, India: Malayalam sweeps!

2009-09-07T22:40:00.006+05:30

I had just written about Keralam and Malayalam movies positively and negatively. And now, Malayalam sweeps 55th National awards:

7th National Award for Adoor Gopalakrishnan (Best director for "Nalu Pennungal").
Editing: B.Ajith ("Nalu Pennungal").
3rd one for Shyamaprasad (Best regional film for "Ore Kadal").
Best music director: Ouseppachan ("Ore Kadal").
Best make-up: Pattanam Rasheed ("Paradesi").
Best non-fiction award goes to Jayaraj's "Vellappokkathil" (Malayalam).
Best cinema book award to M.F. Thomas (Malayalam).
Best film critic: V.K. Thomas (Malayalam).

Besides, prominent personalities in Malayalam movies bagged awards for their works in other languages also:

South Indian actor Prakash Raj bags the Best Actor award through Priyadarshan's Tamil movie "Kanchivaram".
Best feature film "Kanchivaram".
Best art direction for Sabu Cyril ("Om Shanti Om" -Hindi)

Is this to disprove my negative comments? Any way, Malayalis can be proud once again and celebrate!

Me, around me and my perspectives

2009-09-07T18:38:00.011+05:30

An article from my website. How is it?

Me, around me and my perspectives:

The Agenda

Recently, after having gone through a number of personal and academic websites and blogs, and maintained my own blog for some time, I have started thinking about the ideology of blogs and personal websites. The major question is why a person should have a personal website or maintain a personal (not travel, professional, or so) blog? Well, I have not reached a conclusion yet though developed some hypotheses which I reserve for the time being. Having thought all these, when I launch a personal webpage, I must have some specific intentions in mind: this webpage is just to introduce who I am, what I think about my life, times and surroundings, and, in general, what my perspectives are; this page is not to boast about my character, intelligence, achievements, professional and personal skills, my education, my fortunate childhood, social status or travels I have made. They are out of my agenda because I frown upon those aspects of a person, whoever it be, as banal. While explaining my perspectives I surely do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings. If someone finds something objectionable in this page, it is completely unintended, and please be kind enough to point out it to me. Needless to say, all views expressed in this page are mine, and they have nothing to do with the institute--Indian Institute of Technology Madras--that hosts this webpage. Let me also make it clear that the above stated agenda pertains, however, only to this very page, and not to my blogs or any other pages under my website.

Having stated the agenda, I anticipate some questions: why should I write about my perspectives? who cares about them? what is so special about me for someone to understand my perspective? or rather, why me? Well, I am a nobody, or everybody. I don't expect anyone to care either. Still, I express myself because I believe that "I express therefore I am", "in expressing myself, I express man" and "every truth is a perspective truth" (thanks to those three great thinkers for providing me with settings to say these).

My Motherland

I hail from Kozhikode, a district in Kerala state, India. My mothertongue is Malayalam, which is the language spoken throughout Kerala. Kerala lies in the most southern end of India. Kerala is known for its distinct culture, art forms like Kathakali, Mohiniyattam, etc., its own form of martial arts Kalarippayattu, left-leaning politics, a variety of cuisines, back water tourism, etc.. I am very much emotionally attached with most of them. Our literature and films are also very much acclaimed internationally. My favourite writers in my language include Vaikom Muhammed Basheer, O.V. Vijayan, N.S. Madhavan, M.T. Vasudevan Nair, M. Mukundan and Madhavikkutty (Kamala Surayya). We are fortunate to have the great singer ("gana-gandharvan") Yesudas, who has been enchanting every Malayali (Malayalam speaking person, or Keralite) almost for the last four decades with his magnificent voice par excellence; I am a fan of his. Among my people, there is an age old debate as to whether Mammootty or Mohanlal is the best actor (I don't care about it--afterall, how can one compare rose with lily?) Both are internationally acclaimed actors and Padma Shri recipients. Mammootty, a very disciplined and meticulous actor, is better known internationally for his portrayal of Dr. B.R. Ambedkar in Jabar Pattel's movie Dr. Baba Saheb Ambedkar (English/Hindi) besides his other sterling performances in Malayalam films like Oru Vadakkan Veeragatha, Vidheyan, Bhoothakkannadi, Danny, Mathilukal, Mrigaya, etc.. On the other hand, Mohanlal, so natural, vibrant and instinctual an actor, is well known for his breathtaking performances in a large number of movies including Vanaprastham, Bharatham, Kireedam, Manichithrathazhu (all Malayalam), Compnay (Hindi) and Iruvar (Tamil). In Indian movies, I can think only of a few other actors--in this, I admit that I am a bit biased--who are comparable with them (despite the fact that we have a number of stars); Kamal Hassan, Nassruddin Shah, Nana Patekar, Thilakan, Murali are few of them. Murali also has showcased a number of excellent performances in movies like Venkalam, Neythukaran (National Award for Best Actor), etc.. Coming to our actresses, my all time favourite is Shobhana, who is also a classical dancer. Her performance in Manichithrathazhu grabbed her the National Award for Best Actress in 1994. Speaking about our directors, we have Adoor Gopalakrishnan, T.V. Chandran, Bharathan, Padmarajan, Late Lohitadas, Priyanandanan, to name a few. These are all my favourites.

In India, my beloved Nation, peoples with diverse cultures coexists; interestingly, there are more than hunderd spoken languages in the country. In my view, India is not a country or land--it is a feeling, a feeling of oneness and a great culture! It is my wish to travel and mingle with other cultures in my country. But, I have only been to two of my neighbourhood states: Karnataka, where the language is Kannada, and Tamil Nadu, where the language is Tamil. Malayalam, Kannada and Tamil along with Telugu and a few other languages fall in the Dravidian language category. Hence, if one knows one of them well, then he or she can easily get hold of the others languages, of course, with some effort. Malayalam and Tamil are very close, Malayalam is considered to be the daughter of Tamil and Sanskrit. Tamil is the oldest Dravidian language, and Malayalam the youngest. I have found that Kannada is also very much related to Malayalam. I am able to understand Kannada to an extend, and Tamil better. However, Telugu appears to be slightly different. Other major languages spoken in India are Hindi, Marathi, Gujarathi, Oriya, Assamese, Punjabi, Urudu, Bengali and so on. Though I talked about oneness above, sadly, I also understand that there are internal conflicts between the peoples in the country. Despite this, history shows that we have always been able to move ahead together as one people.

My Interests and Perspectives

My most favourite activity is reading. I read novels and general books. I am always bewitched by diverse ideas and imagination. I don't have a good opinion about my taste in Science, Engineering and Mathematics. I like literature more, not to mention politics and culture. My most favourite novels are Sartre's Nausea, Kundera's Joke and Eco's The Name of the Rose. I can say that my life is divided into two periods: before reading Nausea and after reading Nausea! That novel influenced me tremendously; I was very much carried away by existentialism. Reading The name of the rose was very much enjoyable. I started reading it many times and stopped because I found it very difficult. On a train journey, while I had nothing else to do, or rather I could not do anything else, I forced myself to read the novel. To my surprise, the difficulty was only through the first ten or twenty pages. Then,... the actual story begins! I was unable stop now; it was painful when the co-travellers wanted to switch of the lights in the night! I would read the novel without stopping in the coming days, and this is the longest novel I read while in the shortest duration.

Another influential book in my life was Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which helped me understand myself and, moreover, affirm myself. His Thus Spoke Zarasutra is a book which can always be found on my table. By nature, I am a skeptic and, hence, a non-believer (I have no problem in accepting believers, but some of them have problems in accepting me: they always wants to argue--that they are right!). As Einstein wrote, one who has no faith is not fit for life. Hence, a non-believer is faced with a void, a big void. It is Nietzsche who helped my to fill this void by telling me that "art is the only justification for life" --Nietzsche, Friedrich in Beyond Good and Evil. I at once understood the true importance of arts, and gave up all speculations regarding the meaning of life. To this end, Terry Eagleton's Meaning of Life was also quite influential. As time went by and I read more and more, I derived a philosophy, or rather a personal outlook of life: "when you live, just live, that's all". With this, I reject the concepts of self-awareness, mindfulness, know-thyself-philosophy, positive thinking, etc.. I believe that these are just to confuse a man and destroy his individuality and capacity to think independently. As Zen Buddhism asserts, self-awareness comes by nature. One just has to live his life, without unnecessary interpretations, expectations, prejudice and concepts. Face it as it is! Encounter every experience unconditionally, this develops insight. This is the way to mind: the highest form of all forms. Buddha, who taught mankind a philosophy that considered the problems exclusively conerned with life on earth without referring to an almighty, is my hero, of course, not spiritually, but politically and personally! The immediate question will be: "is Marx my hero?" Well! I don't know. Notwithstanding that I have sided with the left perspectives in politics quite often than not, my knowledge of Marxism is very poor. Rather, Marxism is too big a concept for me yet. Therefore, I evade the current question without answering for now.

There are no other passions or hobbies for me as strong as reading, discussed earlier. One of my dreams is to write. But, I don't know what! Stories? Novels? Poetry? I don't know. Believe me, I have not tried anything yet. Music and films are my interests, especially, semi-classical music and art-house movies. Music has no language, yet I love Malayalam film music more! I have attended a few film festivals, including the 12th and 13th International Film Festivals of Kerala (IFFK). Presently, I don't venture into writing about my favourite movies though I would really love doing it. It requires more time, energy and effort since they are many movies I have to talk about.

Coming to the matters regarding my profession, I have only to talk about Signal Processing because it is the only engineering subject of my interest. It is the one subject which attracted me back to engineering, and the reason that I still pursue my studies and wish to pursue a career that will contribute to that subject. My enthusiasm towards this subject was developed initially because of a single motivation: to understand the Fourier transforms--what it is; why it gives frequency domain interpretation, and not something else; and how it works. If I speak about how I understood it and share what I understood, I'm afraid I would violate the agenda of this page I explained in the beginning. Better I would talk about it in a technical note. However, for completeness, I must say this: the proper way to understand it is through Linear Algebra. Believe me, once you start learning Linear Algebra, then there is no coming back. This subject is utterly seductive. For me, this is my "Name of the Rose" in Mathematics. I was introduced to this subject by a great teacher Prof. Ashok Rao who was formerly with the Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore and currently working elsewhere. Yet another mathematical discipline you will need to do more signal processing is Probability, Random Processes and Statistics. In fact, there are other topics also like Algebra, Algebraic Geometry, Number Theory, etc., but, most of the applications demands only Linear Algebra and Statistics. Once you start understanding these subjects, especially from a Signal Processing perspective (please don't scold me for my perspective that constrains these important and vast mathematical disciplines to Signal Processing alone; it is the matter of my "bread and butter"), then there is no sopt! Today, it is constantly heard that "Signal Processing has saturated" or even "dead". But, you can verify that they (the ignorants) had been saying this for the last three decades. It will never die because it is so ubiquitous a tool that many a time one will be unaware that one is using it; one may be thinking that one is working in Wireless Communication, Soft Computing, Pattern Recognition or Data Analysis, but you can see Signal Processing all over there, possibly hidden! Of course, this does not mean that everything is Signal Processing, but everything uses Signal Processing every now and then.

Conclusion

Is there a need to conclude? After all, what to conclude?

--Sandeep Palakkal.
Sunday, Sep. 6, 2009,
IIT Madras, Chennai.

On Keralam: My View as an Outsider

2009-09-01T15:06:00.042+05:30

Till I left Kerala, my beloved motherland, for my postgraduate studies in 2005, I thought that it was the most wonderful land on earth, and that Malayalis constitute the most wonderful community on earth; what an immature thought it was! Of course, everyone has the same or similar feelings about his own birthplace. But, this proves to be wrong when you start observe other communities and cultures objectively. Every community has its own strengths and weaknesses. I'm aware of the general weaknesses of Mayalalis. However, the object of this note is not to elaborate them, but, on the contrary, to elaborate its most important strength, the negative effects of it, and what I feel about the contemporary life in Kerala. I must hastily add that I've no intentions to be exhaustive, or sound like an expert. I just scribble down some of my personal observations, that's all. And, since I'm still living outside, and do not continuously follow every news coming from there, my views are that of an outsider.

The strength of Malayalis: The foremost strength of Malayalis is their general awareness: political, social, cultural, national and international. I am sure that people of no other state can claim this. It comes because of education: Kerala theoretically has 100% literacy rate; truly this must be 99%. Almost all malayalis read newspapers everyday. They are aware of every political issues in Kerala, India and outside. You can hear people talking about "globalization", "free markets" etc. even in small tea shops; this is a clear mark of distinction of Malayalis from any other people in India. In other states, in my experiences and interactions, even the well educated does not know that he is living in a particular economy called capitalism, let alone about globalization!

But..., this is a big but, everything has its negative effects also. Since Malayalis have better general awareness, they are too lazy too. They don't want to produce the necessary things in their own land; they want Telugus to provide them brown-rice (without brown-rice, Malayalis can't live!), and Kannadigas and Tamilans to provide vegetables and fruits. Even a number of spices like red chillies are imported from the neighbourhood states. Onam is Malayalis' most prestigious festival; they decorate homes with flowers on this special day. They want flowers to be imported from Tamil Nadu. Even though water is abundant in the state Malayalis need to buy electricity from the central government and Tamil Nadu. This shows the lack of efficiency of governance and efforts from the Malayali community as a whole to improve living conditions in the state!

My View on Contemporary Life in Kerala:

Work/Business: Agriculture was strong at a time in Kerala. But, as time went by, they got more and more educated, became aware about the system, and learned how to earn more with less effort. Then they gave up agriculture, and started concentrating on consumer based business and services. This is the reason why they have to wait for the Andhra truck to come to eat their favourite brown-rice, or for Tamil truck for vegetables. This is a negative effect of social awareness. And, the technically educated youth relies only upon the IT industry. Now, they want such industries in the state also; they blame the political parties for lack of enthusiasm. Where is the enthusiasm of the people to produce something of their own, at least food?

Politics (the left-wing): The left movements have always influenced political events in Kerala. Even the right-wing Congress party is left in Kerala. Until recently, the competitions between these two major political forces had contributed to the state tremendously, but sadly, no more! Now, left seems to have become more right! And, they seem to offer no more competition! These are my observation as an outsider, hence open to challenge by any one. The recent tussle between the two "groups" inside the Communist Party of India (Marxist) has caused to lose peoples confidence in that party, and the left-wing in general. I don't know where it is going, whether they can overcome this situation and regain the faith of the people. I'm worried about the left-wing because of its influence on me; I always side with the left-wing, if not a left party!

Political Activism: Kerala has always witnessed various political struggles. In the past media as well as the political parties took interest to educate people regarding various issues. Malayalis were at least considered to be highly reactive. Now also they are active: active to get more and more comforts, to drink more and more alcoholic products, to celebrate every banal occasions, but not for improving the situation they are in. If you go to Kozhikode (my own place) most of the roads are in a bad shape. While Malayalis are worried about lack of shopping centers and IT parks, they do nothing to improve the roads, for example. They believe everything will be done by the government. Who is the government? You! the people. There are no strikes to improve the roads, education, etc.

Media (News): Another problem I am concerned about is regarding the media. The media in the state had been very proactive in the recent past, but, again, no more! The mainstream, and most serious Malayalam news paper is "Mathrubhumi". Nowadays, this news paper is only interested in the so called back-door affairs of politics in the state. Whether the news they give is correct or not is another issue. But, why should they be so much concerned with all these junk? It no longer covers most of the national and international issues, why? The visual media is too ugly to talk about! They produce news every single minute and broadcast. People are bombarded with so many unnecessary information every minute so intensively that they are unable to distinguish between what is news and what is not. Most important issues are clumsily dealt with, and most banal are exaggerated. They start by addressing important issues, turn them into gossips and speculation, make them just meaningless debates between the political parties, and, finally, reduce them into nothing---this is called reduction ad absurdum. Every news becomes an absurdity and create, eventually, no effect!

Media (entertainment): Again, regarding audio/visual media: they are sneaking into our life spaces more and more. Most of us are interested in movies and songs. But, why should we always think about them? Well, this is what our media needs presently. In FM radios, in reality and other kind of TV shows, the topic is movies and songs! Your favourite (is it?) VJ or DJ or whoever talks at length about the movies in the past, the new movies released recently, or the future movie projects and educate you the whole day. For them every movie is lovely, beautifully taken, well directed, contains sterling performances! Of course, if you watch those movies you would start crying thinking that you could have better spend that money in a hotel, at least your appetite could have been satisfied. And, we have songs---the movie songs. Why should we listen to them, however lovely they are, for twenty four hours a day? Or, why should we listen to our favourite music 500 times a day? This repetition kills your time and ability to savour it in the back of your mind: it kills your creativity and imagination. Summarizing, entertainments and the need for them take over your time and life, work has become less important, only a means to gather money to spend for entertainments!

Movies: The contemporary movies competes to imitate those movies from the other prominent industries of South India like Tamil and Telugu as well as the Bollywood. I am not talking about plagiarism. That's OK as long as you adapt the story to the Kerala setting; and other languages have copied Malayalam movies many more times than the other way around! I am talking about the imitation of style of direction, technology, action, songs, and visual effects. Why do the contemporary directors want to make the Malayalam movies look and feel like a Tamil/Telugu/Hindi movies? One will imitate the other only if one has no innate character. The Malayalam film industry has proved in the past that it has its own character and originality. Since the beginning they had good movies which were remarkably distinct from other states. Where is the talent going? They say they have to satisfy the audience. This is the direct insult of the audience; they mean that the taste of the audience is mediocre or becoming mediocre. Take good, original movies; the taste will follow! Modern vs old movies: I don't believe that the past was glorious and the present is bad. Rather it is evolutionary. Present life is much better than the past in many ways. However, most of the present movies lack originality and quality compared to some of the the past ones at least in case of Malayalam movies; that is, number of good movies is larger in the past compared to the present. Recently, in an interview, the great actor Mammootty said, he enjoys everything contemporary and new rather than old. At least in case of movies and their quality, I have to disagree with him despite my great admiration to the actor. And, I believe that this temptation to imitate is also a part of the "globalisation"; rather, this is a "local globalisation"!

A remark I must add here is this: recently I read a Malayalam movie critic saying that Tamil movies are becoming better and better compared to Malayalam movies, and Malayalam film makers should learn from Tamil. He cited "Subramaniapuram": this is a proof that we are lacking talented film critics also. Subramaniapuram was a good film compared to many other Tamil movies, but compare it with "Amaram", "Venkalam", "Bharatham" or "Oru Vadakkan Veeraghatha", or at least with "Palunku", "Kazhcha" or "Bhramaram". I believe, in terms of artistic quality, Tamil movies are yet to become comparable with Malayalam movies despite the fact that Malayalam movies are degrading. Tamil movies are ahead Malayalam movies in terms of technical perfection and variety. Malayalis can argue that the audience and market is smaller compared to Tamil, and, hence, budget is smaller, which forces the film makers to rely less on technical perfection.

Law and order: Last week the high-court of Kerala observed that the goons and gangs have become so powerful in the state and criticized the government and the police for lack of effective action. One does not have to know the high-court's observation to understand this; just look into the recent news. Every day, a case of hacking by goons, or the so called "quotation" is coming out of the state, particularly, from the south. The north was infamous for this, and those were, by and large, part of political fights, between the party members, although they used goons for this. However, the recent cases are quite disturbing. They are aimed at common people. Of course, many a time, these "common people" have some political affiliations, too. But, the recent cases include assigning goons and gangs for inflicting violence and vengeance. One peculiar case was a mother settled in Australia, arranging goons to kidnap her daughter who got married without the mother's consent! There are similar cases; just read the news paper. The most prominent case, which the media has focused on, and which they seem to reduce to absurdity is the recent case of the murder of Paul Muthoot. The police, according to the media reports, has some nexus with the goons as some politicians have. This will also reduce the credibility of the police force in the state. Again, there are no strikes to improve these situations; there are some political show-offs every day, that's all!

Conclusion: I just pointed out what I observe about my state in the recent past. And, I have been critical and negative in doing so; I am also responsible for what Kerala is now. Maybe, my short summary would be like this: Malayalis are facing a lot of challenges from within and outside, from social degradation to destructive influence of the entertainment media on the individual; by this I mean destruction of individuality and creativity, not of morality---that is a different matter, which I am too immature to deal with. My suggestion for a solution to Malayalis will be to stand up to these challenges boldly, criticize ourselves affirmatively, and make changes, rather than idly sitting watching the TV the whole day, or reading some junk "arogya masika" (health magazine), which only make you a moron. It may seem impossible, but it is possible.

These are my views, and my views only about Kerala. This is not a comparative study because I don't know much about the situations in the other states; maybe they are even worse, or maybe they are better!

Sandeep Palakkal

On limits of life

2009-09-01T14:53:00.006+05:30

Many a time, when I reread what I've written in the past, I feel that I was an idiot then. One of my friends had confessed to me that he also used to feel the same. This time, I feel that it was so foolish of me to have connected my limitations with my academic life in the previous blog! There I have been wondering if I was encountering a lot of my limitations because I was doing PhD. However, later, I was reminded that life itself is limited. It does not matter what life---within academic circles or not---you are living, you can't live forever. Life is limited! What a simple idea! Any school boy knows that. But I did not take this into consideration while I was thinking about life's limitations in general. Many of my hypotheses had been wrong. Finally, this one wins: everything in the world is limited, and has limitations! Limits are real.

Imperfection of Life?

2009-08-05T09:37:00.009+05:30

Ten years ago, when I was in my teen age, life seemed full of hopes, full of possibilities. That was a time with a lot of immature impulses and dreams most of which were almost impossible. It was so until a year back. But now, I am confronted only by limitations: my own limitations!. Maybe, one can justify saying that it is because I'm doing Ph.D. You search for something; it is like searching for a shadow in the dark! And, you can't be sure of what you are doing, whether your search is going in the right direction, whether it is worth doing it, or whether you would be able get somewhere. There are moments of helplessness, but there are moments of extreme exaltations too! But moments of despair are more. They are enervating for some time though will fuel further actions later. One thing I'm not sure about is that whether my feeling of helplessness, or experience of limitations, is a part of PhD or a part of life itself. Since I did not have a life outside academic circles, outside the campus, I can't answer; someone else should tell me. Or, is it the imperfection of life that a lot of people, both wise and unwise alike, talked of?

I strongly feel and in fact, my experiences in life at different times indicate that a problem intellectually understood and emotionally came in terms with is no longer a problem at all. Perhaps, this explains my uncontrollable urge to search for a better explanation, a better understanding of life and myself (though my motto is "when you live, you just live"---maybe, I must explain what I mean by this in another blog). I pondered about my limitations also for quite some time. I constructed a lot of hypotheses. Yet I'm not sure of them and I am unable to accept them---what they are is pointless. So, I don't conclude, and the questions go on. It is not that I intentionally ask these absurd, rather fancy questions; I can't help asking, I have no control over this process.

Since I have no conclusions, I just experience my limitations, without trying to construe them in any way. At the moment, I guess, this is the best I can do. Or maybe, I must console myself saying that "it's your life, whether you like or not".

Don't watch this movie: "Abre los ojos" A.K.A "Open your eyes"

2009-08-03T20:56:00.003+05:30

'Abre los ojos' (Open your eyes) is a Spanish movie directed by Alejandro Amenábar in 1997. I watched it recently and got depressed for a few days. The "hangover" is not yet over. It was deeply felt by my innermost senses. So, my advice to you is this: watch the movie only if you are sure that you are a strong willed person (unlike I am). Of course, this is my subjective view. You can take it, or not!

The movie is Spanish and i had to use subtitles. It is about dreaming and its influence in us. But, the dream continues even after the person (hero) is dead. What is real and what is dream is unknown in the middle of the movie. However, to my consolation, the director demystified everything in the end; otherwise, I would have gone mad (what? madder? Oh, no!).

I am a person who loves movies and novels very much, and some of the stories have a capacity to catch my full attention, and, then, I feel the hero and me are the same. I feel everything that the hero (or any character) feels; I am equally disturbed; and I want to solve the problem (whatever). Abre los ojos was surely such a movie. It talks about love, deception, jealousy, rejection, loneliness, and so on; but the exception is the element of dreaming, and like I said above, of death and the continuation of dreams. Though it can be considered as a science fiction because it entails cryonics, I feel there is more in it. Especially, rejection was deeply felt.

I don't want to say more about the story here; just that I was depressed, and my strength of will to live was at stake for some time :-). But I hope others are stronger than I am and would enjoy watching this movie. I did not enjoy watching this movie but I enjoy having watched it!

(An Incomplete Musing) On Research

2009-07-31T21:25:00.005+05:30

Passion to learn,
Patience to think,

Shamelessness to ask,
Willingness to answer,

Eagerness to know,
Determination to pursue,

Strength to withstand,
Willpower to overcome,

Depth to demonstrate,
Broadness to offer,

Lucidity to explain,
Brilliance to breakthrough,

Command to lead,
Diplomacy to get along,

Thus my friend, this method
Needs a thousand of skills.

Sandeep Palakkal.

Understanding Life

2009-07-29T16:20:00.001+05:30

Yeah! Now I understand what life is:

"Life is a tomato!"

Being a Detective!

2009-04-19T13:50:00.004+05:30

Again, remembering "The name of the Rose", I ask myself what it means being a detective? It is just being confused of various details available regarding the problem that one is investigating, making a number of hypotheses from them without knowing which is stupid and which is reasonable, eagerly looking for updated information to substantiate or reject at least one of ones hypotheses and to make new hypotheses... This will go on until one cracks the problem. But, if one finally understands that one had been looking for a non-existent mouse in darkness, what will happen to the detective? Will he be just embarrassed of the stupid hypotheses he had made? Will he stop doing detective works anymore? Or, will he go mad?

Whatever it be, I understand that the motive of every detective is to know the truth. It is an inexplicable and, quite often, unjustifiable curiosity to know the truth that makes every detective working... In that process, he himself is madly obsessed with the questions.

Wisdom of a Devil

2009-02-25T16:27:00.003+05:30

"Why most of the popular philosophers are shallow?"

"Because shallow philosophers are most popular".

"Then, why shallow philosophers are most popular?"

"Because the populace understands only shallow philosophers".

A Dilemma of the Strong

2009-02-05T11:43:00.004+05:30

I am finding a lot of people in "bad mood". They will behave rudely or without any manners and will later say that they were in bad moods. I wonder if all human beings have this problem. I never had it. I had been gloomy, angry or in some kind of bad moods. But it never made me behave in a "bad" way. I can't look at anyone whom I know well without a smile whatever mood I may be in at the moment. Even if I am angry with that person, I will behave like a human.

So, What kind of phenomenon is this "in bad moods"?

Is this an escape from ones self? You act without any control, and then blame your bad mood - this will make you to take no responsibility for your action. So, you are comfortable. And, other "good" people "will understand" you. So no more conflicts.

By this, I infer that this is the habit of the weak-willed people. They have no control over themselves, no determination and are contemptible. Or at least, they feel that they are contemptible. I must feel pity towards them, in fact.

However, it is very difficult to live among these weak people. Only my strength of will helps me to do so....

On Speech

2009-02-03T09:42:00.003+05:30

Some talk, some chat,
But, most make noise!

A Long Wait for You... (A Poem)

2009-01-26T11:28:00.009+05:30

"Books... books... books... windows to the world,
Dreams... dreams... dreams... windows to the mind,
Friends... friends... friends... windows to heaven.

Many things life taught me...
How many things more!
It's already saturating, and boring...

I am waiting for you to come...
In this silent solitude...
To share my knowledge, my joy!
Thus to unburden my wisdom...

I am waiting for you to come...
In this dark corner of the world...
To help me to fill up my space with light!
And to feel the completeness of living..."

Sandeep Palakkal

An Impression

2009-01-26T09:27:00.004+05:30

Life is so vivid an experience which I can't express with words. It paints a lot of impressions in my mind. After a good sleep, today morning something was revealed to my mind. I have no words to express it. I better express it in someone else's words...

"He walks among men like man walks among animals."

--Thus Spoke Zaratustra, Friedrich Nietzsche.

Man With a Big Mouth And a Tiny Brain

2009-01-22T20:03:00.004+05:30

Today I saw a man with a big mouth and a tiny brain.
He talked a lot.
I listened since I had a lot of time to waste!
And, all he talked was devoid of insights.

The First Step

2009-01-02T19:25:00.002+05:30

"A journey of a thousand miles
must begin with a single step"

--Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching

When will I make the first step?...

Moral Conflicts

2009-01-01T13:56:00.005+05:30

Desire and Love are always in conflict with Morality. The result is Violence. Many a time one is suspicious of how distinct desire and love are. Should true love lack desire? Or, is it motivated by desire? Whatever it be, they form a force, the vital force which moves ones life. It motivates one to act. But this is not smooth. One is constrained by numerous moral rules and obligations. The causes stress, repression, deception, and may be, frustration. This is the point where the common man needs philosophy. They call it by this name without knowing what philosophy is. What they really want is a set of socially accepted rules using which they can justify their pursuit of desire without being called immoral. Of course, the first choice is religion which gives one widely accepted moral notions. There are different religions in the world is a matter of concern because it may cause conflicts between communities (we know that this is the case!). However, religion, since it is accepted by a wide majority, gives one a set of rules to follow without much conflict. But none actually follow them, or does not want to follow them. The main aim is to satisfy ones desires. And, as time goes by man feels that the religious rules, or the widely accepted moral notions are too restrictive and try protest in many ways. They try to invent new rules.

One thing to add is that once a set of rules are accepted, then there arises institutions or authorities who assumes it is their right to protect and impose these rules. Since they are also human beings, and their real motive is not the rules, such institutions degrade. It becomes more restrictive, authoritative and tries to dictate men so that invention of new values and rules are suppressed. Then man starts to rebel. This causes conflict. This conflict is for a good cause: to invent new values!

A Recurring Dream...

2008-12-26T15:39:00.003+05:30

I wish I were a silent character in Eco's The Name of the Rose..., to live silently and purposelessly somewhere in the abbey witnessing the whole events...,to smell the medieval air, to go inside the library and read the strangest of strange books..., to discover the secret of God's laughing..., and then... to die without doing anything... unknown... unidentified... but knowing everything and identifying everyone....

Russell's Paradox

2008-12-25T23:16:00.007+05:30

Probably, I heard the word paradox for the first time when I read about the twin paradox of Einstein. I read this atleast ten years ago. Then I was not matured enough to understand what the word paradox really mean. It was recently, when I was reading Terrence Tao's book on "Analysis", I was once again confronted with another paradox. This was Russell's paradox. I see what a paradox really means.

Russell's paradox: Let's make a statement.

Let x be any object and p(x) be any property of x (i.e., either p(x) is true or is false). Then there exists a set {x : p(x) is true for x}. -----(1)

This seems to be an innocent statement. But actually, it is a very dangerous and fallacious statement. Consider x be a set and p(x) be the statement :-

x does not contain itself ----(2).

Then according to the statement (1), there exists a set S which contains all sets for which property (2) holds (i.e., they do not contain themselves). Does S contain itself?
1) If S does not contain itself, then by its very definition, it must include itself.
2) If S contains itself, then it should not contain itself.
This is called Russell's paradox. And, it disproves the statement given in (1). In fact, until Betrand Russell discovered this paradox, (1) was considered as an axiom of set theory. Now, a set theory which considers (1) as an axiom is called naive set theory.

Even if one does not understand this, one can have a look at this webpage http://www.paradoxes.co.uk/index.htm, at whose end a few exciting, or rather mysterious pictures illustrating paradoxes are given. To know more about Russell's paradox look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell's_paradox.

A Great Connection!

2008-12-25T21:44:00.005+05:30

So that's it. If a set A containing finite number of integers, not all of which are zero, is selected, then those integers generate an ideal of the integer ring. But, any ideal of the integer ring is generated by a single positive integer a, which must be the smallest positive integer in that particular ideal. Then every integer in A is a multiple of a. Then a is a common divisor of them.

Now, if b is a positive integer which divides all elements of A, then the ideal generated by b is either equal to or includes the ideal generated by the elements of A. In the first case, b is the smallest integer in the ideal and hence is equal to a. In the second case, a is included in the ideal generated by b. Hence, b divides a (and a>b). This shows that a is the greatest common divisor (gcd) of the integers in A.

The integer a can be expressed as a linear combination of the integers in A because a is in the ideal generated by them. That's why the gcd of a finite number of integers can be expressed as a linear combination of those integers.

What a simple but great connection!

Boredom

2008-12-25T12:04:00.002+05:30

I am bored of living among people whom I don't understand and who don't understand me.

Many believe that there is a predefined way of living and try to make their lives according to those predefined standards. Those standards are set by religious beliefs, social conventions, popular notions, the media, institutions (including parents, they also constitute an institution), and so on. Some resort on more "scientific" notions such as psychology, behaviour theory etc. It is appreciable to read on these topics and to know them. But searching for a method of living in all these is merely a mediocre activity.

I see many people around me who are formidably confident about life. They look so "nice" and "pleasing" to many. But in my case, they generate ultimate abhorrence in me. They represent lack of contemplation and mere pragmatism for me. I suppose that they have agreed upon some predefined nature of human life and believe that they live according to it. This makes them feel triumphant and happy.

ME SANDEEP

2008-08-31T16:20:00.001+05:30

By "Me Sandeep" I meant to write about myself. However, I know it is very difficult to write about oneself. Of course, I can start by introducing my name, where I live, and what I do. That's what I do here.

Hi,

My name is Sandeep. I am from Calicut, a district in Kerala state in India. (Know more about Calicut here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calicut, Kerala here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerala and India here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/India). It is needless to mention, I am a wiki-lover.

I am currently a PhD scholar in IIT Madras. My area of research is Signal Processing. I don't have anything more to talk on this. I am just keeping quiet now.

So, self-introduction is over? Let me read it once again. Oh! so boring. So ordinary a style: a usual cliche. So, that's it. I realize that I am very ordinary a person. And, my life is more ordinary. I enjoy this ordinary life. Sometimes I am reminded that there is something grandeur in the ordinary. To see that one has to look.