Wednesday 12 November 2014

Desire: The Beginning

I wanted to begin again from the very beginning. What was the beginning of all this?

Yes, I remember. I can recount it.

In the beginning, there was a gaze, an undirected gaze that belonged to none and which was led by an irrepressible desire for particularly nothing.

Then there was a Big Gamble that was immediately appropriated by the gaze as a phantasmagoric scene  for the fulfillment of its desire.


As the desire of the gaze finally found an imagery to project itself on, it assumed the position of an other, a viewer, of course a false one!

Then there was a gambler on the scene, a woman in red whose eyes reflected the desire of the gaze.

When she looked for a gamble, there saw a man. A man in black in whom the desire of the gaze epitomized itself.

First, the man defeated the woman. I don't know why it had to be so!

The woman looked at the man, by concealing her desire. But her eyes betrayed her desire for him.

Then the woman defeated the man. It had to be so!

The man looked back, at the woman. He concealed his desire. Yet, his eyes betrayed his desire for her.

They, the man and woman, were unable to express their desires directly, perhaps because the gaze of the false other was always following them.

The man had to go. It was so!

To escape the gaze of the other, yet not to loose his object of desire, he invited her for lunch or dinner or for a cup of coffee or for a movie or something.... I don't know what. She gracefully declined. Oh! no. My mistake. Her decline was an excuse, metonymic, slippery, that could be easily won over. She knew it. He knew it. The false other knew it. He attacked back, gently, without disturbing the false other's gaze, without shaming it, without causing it any dishonour. And she agreed!

The man, manly he is, the epitome of now the male desire, gently walked out, without looking back at her, despite his invincible temptation to do so, but being well aware that her desiring gaze, which he desired, would surely follow him.

The woman, womanly she is, the epitome of now the female desire, followed the departing man, from his behind, with her pointed gaze, so full of desire for him, which desired to be satisfied by the desire  of his for her.

Then there was music that would eventually direct the man to the woman and the woman to the man. But the false other had vanished. It is so! It has to vanish. For the man and the woman were to meet and uncover their irrepressible desire for each other without the necessity for a false other!

Sandeep
Chennai