My Life?

It is my another December in IIT Madras. As always, it is very cold. Since yesterday it has been raining heavily. They say a cyclone is approaching the eastern cost of India. Nature seems to be very violent. Looking at the heavy rain, I don't even feel like going for lunch this afternoon. The very idea of entering into rain and getting wet horrifies me. The days when I used to wait for rain just to get wet seem never existed. What an ironical fact! We don't believe in our own past. Do we believe in our present or, more importantly, future? Nihilism is an ideology of frustration. But my nihilism had long ago reached an extend where it started feeling frustrated of itself. Yet coming back to the question of believing in the past, present and future, I am tempted to be nihilistic in the sense that I see nothing to believe in. We have lost all the lofty ideals to believe in. The industrial revolution and, later, the information revolution have taken all the ideals away from us. Look at the present. Too much of exposure. Too much of visibility. Too much of information. What is the result? We are unable to distinguish between the important and the trivial. I, being a Signal Processing engineer, am tempted to say that we are unable to distinguish signal from noise.

These days, everything seems to be achievable. Happiness has become a product that anyone can buy from the market. Yet no one achieves anything and nobody seems to be happy. Happiness is portrayed as an individual affair. Probably that is why the fight to assert oneself superior to others is becoming more and more prominent. In this way, one vigorously attaches happiness with ones ego, the self-image. The way Palakkal felt happy while walking in a garden on a delightful morning or just by looking at the sky seems to be remote to the contemporary individual. Perhaps, the need "to produce", not "to be creative" but "to produce", prevents us from enjoying such ancient happiness. Consider any walk of life. The urge is "to perform ones duties"; it is not "to be creative" or "approach life with reason and logic". Perform your duties mindlessly. Don't look at the world with a broader perspective like a human being. Be an individual and live in your narrow hell but performing your duties. To succeed in your work is to strive for your happiness. The world may go into chaos, but you will be revered for your uncompromising dedication to your work. And having performed your duties, just relax yourself with amusements. What a great ideal that the present day individuals hold onto! No one realises the emptiness of it. Perhaps everyone realises it, but still not able to admit! I say so because, many a time, I feel that people are just actors. They just play their roles thinking that they are merely acting in a drama. Yet their "acting" becomes their "action" which ultimately defines their lives. Are we trying to fool ourselves? Or, are we merely powerless to break free from this drama? And how are we acting in this drama? By unconsciously yielding to the urges I described above!

I am on the verge of asking a bizarre question. Is my life not my life?

Sandeep

Dec 29, 2011.

Facing Uncertainties

That was stupid -- my last post in this blog. Not the content, but the way I wrote it! Later, even I could not follow my last post. Especially, the first paragraph is too difficult to follow. Looking back, I remember the urge I experienced to make that post difficult to read. I had the feeling, still I possess this feeling, that online writings like blogs are useless. They are worthless. They serve no particular purpose. Some argue that internet gives us the real democratic experience and help us show the power of the powerless and the downtrodden. But, unfortunately, I am increasingly feeling that this is untrue. Internet publishing helps us share our feeling. But whether it will serve humanity to direct itself towards some goal, political or economic or anything like that, is doubtful. The flow of information makes us more confused and unfocused. The previous blog manifested this feeling I was experiencing those days. Those feelings are only strengthened now. But I continue writing despite knowing its futility. And I write for no reason and no end. This may sound pessimistic, but right now this is what I feel.

In the last post, my main point was how an issue (Mullapperiyar dam controversy) was about to divide the people of Kerala and Tamil Nadu. One month is gone after I wrote that post. Now, we see those peoples divided! Violence broke out between the peoples and, admittedly, was more intense on the Tamil Nadu side than on the other side. We saw how a small group of people exploited the opportunity for gaining narrow political ends. Moreover, the issue remains unsolved.

The Mullapperiyar dam issue is actually an engineering problem, which has but now become a social problem (I mean people's problem). It is taken to a state where engineers alone cannot solve it amicably. The question of whether the dam will collapse and, if yes, under what conditions, does not have any definite answer. Any answer will finally boil down to probability and reliability. The aim of science and engineering should be to reduce the probability of disaster as small as possible, thereby making the reliability of the construction as large as possible. How reliable is the dam is therefore can be answered only by engineers in statistical terms. The problem becomes social because people, the laymen, are unable to understand and accept the statistical promises. Such problems cannot be only resolved by engineers. The role of powerful statesmen with long term vision becomes important and apparent at this s juncture. It is doubtful whether we still have such leaders. This doubt arises by observing the way the issue is being approached by our leaders.

Related is the issue of Koodamkulam nuclear power plant. Is it safe? Is nuclear energy safe for humanity? Even scientists are divided on this issue. So are the politicians. The answer again boils down to be a statistical one. Again, the probability of failure of the measures taken by the scientists and engineers to make the power plant safe against natural calamities like earthquake, tsunamis and cyclones dictates the answer. If our calculation fails? This may be an emotional question. Perhaps, I am just being over cautious. But am I not over cautious about the very existence of the human race? Am I not justifiable on this ground in asking this question?

Perhaps, we have no answers. Perhaps, there is no way to arrive at a definite answer. Perhaps, uncertainty rules everywhere. But we must find some resolution to face such uncertainties, and our resolution must be based on facts and reason. That is all I have to say.

Regarding violence: a few perverts can cause a large violence, but restoration of peace would need efforts of large number of lofty minds.

Some say that if Kerala and Tamil Nadu were two countries, a war would have broken out by this time. This argument leads me to a more terrible thought: China is building a dam in Brahmaputra, which is supposed to finish by the year 2015. Will they divert water from Brahmaputra to China? What would be the outcome? Are we facing a war?

P.S.: I am not able to sleep calmly these days!

Sandeep

Dec 29, 2011.